


Secrets Lies and Retribution

by friendoftheearth



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 18:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 35,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6341272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendoftheearth/pseuds/friendoftheearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. There are no secrets in life only hidden truths...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Secrets Lies and Retribution!

Part 1

Robert had come looking for Diane, he wanted to see how she was, how she was coping with the chemo. He'd let himself in the back way, had headed into the living room hoping to find his stepmother there. Instead of finding Diane he found someone else he cared deeply about, not that Aaron would ever believe that.

Aaron hadn't noticed him, he was sitting on the sofa absently staring into a mug of what seemed to be cold tea. He looked so troubled, and Robert desperately wanted to know what was on his mind. He wanted to put right whatever it was that was wrong. Aaron wasn't likely to believe that of him either.

Robert knew he should leave before Aaron saw him, that would avoid all chance of yet another confrontation. He wasn't going to though, fact being he hadn't given up on him and Aaron getting back together, and so, when given the opportunity to chip away at the wall Aaron had built between them, he snatched it with both hands. "Aaron?"

Aaron started on hearing Robert's voice, his gaze quickly settled on him and Robert watched the hurt languishing in the blue eyes quickly turn to hostility.

"What do you want?"

"I'm looking for Diane."

"Well she's not here so go look some place else."

"Do you know where she is?"

"No."

Robert knew Aaron was being deliberately evasive, and the irritation he felt on seeing him there was coming off Aaron in waves. There was so much tension in the air every time they met, it couldn't go on. "Look, your mum's been ill, Diane is ill, don't you think we should try and get along, at least be civil to each other for their sakes?"

"I think my mum prefers things the way they are, me hating your guts."

Robert knew that was true, still it wasn't helping matters. "It's not healthy though is it. We both know that. We've both let hate get the better of us in the past, have us do things we regret. Neither one of us wants to end up hurting anyone else because of what happened between us."

"I'm not going to."

"As long as things remain so ugly between us there's every chance you will."

Aaron didn't like admitting it but Robert was right. At some point someone would get caught in the crossfire, he knew he couldn't let that happen. "I can do civil when I have to, I don't have to right now though so piss off!"

Robert couldn't help but grin at Aaron's comeback even though he knew it would only serve to irritate him some more.

"What's so funny?" Aaron demanded,

Robert's grin widened into a smile, "Just your way with words."

"Why are you still here?" Aaron snapped, he didn't like the way his heart had beat a little faster on seeing Robert smile. "You know you're not wanted here so..."

"Not wanted no but needed yes."

"What?"

"There's something troubling you..."

"Yeah you!"

"Admittedly, but there's something else weighing heavily on your mind, if you need to talk about it..."

"What with you? You really think I would?"

"You know I'm a good listener, you told me about Jackson remember..."

"Yeah I remember. I told you everything and what did you do, you used it against me. You used what I told you to hurt and humiliated me ... and more than once."

"I know and I'm sorry... " He hated himself for that "... it was unforgivable. But you know I didn't mean what I said, at the time I was either hurting or scared, I lash out when I feel cornered.. just like you do."

"I'm nothing like you." Aaron spat, stung by the comparison. Yes he'd done a lot of bad things but he didn't come anywhere close to being as cold and as calculating as Robert was.

Ignoring Aaron's response Robert pressed on, "I heard your dad was back." He'd also heard Aaron had been none to pleased to see him, he'd suddenly realised it was Gordon Livesy's reappearance that was to blame for Aaron's unrest, "It's him that's got you in a tail spin isn't it."

The fact Robert had hit the nail squarely on the head infuriated Aaron, he couldn't deny it as much as he wanted to so instead said, "It's none of your business."

"Maybe not, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be interested, that I'm not going to care..."

"Care! About me? Yeah right, The only thing you care about is yourself."

"That's where you're wrong, I care about Diane, about Victoria, even about Andy. I am capable of loving someone Aaron, I'm just...well I've learned how to protect myself from rejection, from hurt. See we are alike." Before Aaron had the chance to object to his statement Robert began speaking again, he was determined to get Aaron talking. "My relationship with my dad was a train wreak too. I screwed up and he sent me packing, he told me to stay away and I did. I didn't see him again, in fact... the next time we were in six feet of each other, I was kneeling by his grave." Aaron had looked away on hearing that comment. Robert knew it had had some kind of an impact on him, he felt sure he was starting to get somewhere now. "Finding out that your dad's been so ill, well that blow sent you reeling too didn't it."

"No. I don't give a shit about him." Aaron insisted even though tears were now welling up in his eyes. He bowed his head hoping to hide the unwanted show of emotion.

"So I see." Robert said softly before moving to where Aaron was sitting, taking the mug from his hand he said, "I'll make us a brew."

Robert knew that in the time it took to make them both a coffee Aaron would have regained his composure. Hopefully he would be more accepting of his presence then too.

An uncomfortable silence had filled the room but Robert thought better that than Aaron telling him to leave.

Just minutes later he was setting a steaming mug into Aaron's hands. As he did so Robert decided to go with something he felt sure Aaron wouldn't take exception to. Seating himself opposite him he said, "I know you've got Paddy, that you'll have talked things through with him, but as supportive as he is well he's not going to get it is he? Not like I do. So come on... out with it?"

Aaron shook his head and eyed Robert scornfully, he wasn't going there again, he'd learnt his lesson where Robert was concerned.

Robert wasn't about to give up his quest, and told himself that if he opened up a little first it would help Aaron to. "I used to worship my dad when I was a kid, I wanted to be like him. He was well liked, well respected, he was a hard act to follow, as it turns out an impossible one. The Sugden family have farmed around here for generations. My dad wasn't just a farmer though, he was a writer, he'd actually wrote a best seller way before I was born! He was a bit of a rebel in his day, was highly opinionated, highly principled and inevitably he argued with his dad and took off, he stayed away for years... we've got that in common I suppose. He wasn't perfect of course, he had his faults, his weaknesses, women for instance. He had affairs when he was married, oh and a son he didn't know about for years. That was my older brother, Jackie, he died, in a shooting accident. My family and guns eh!" Robert eyed Aaron warily, wondering what sort of reaction that weighted comment had earned him, Aaron was staring coldly back at him but that was a better reaction than anger wasn't it?

"I like to blame Andy for the rift between me and my dad, but I think... know that it would have happened whether Andy had come to live with us or not. Me and him just couldn't get along, we didn't see eye to eye on anything. We had some terrible arguments, heated ugly exchanges, the kind that makes you wary of each other. Words hurt don't they, they cause the deepest wounds, ones that fester and never seem to heal." Ok, enough, Robert told himself, he hadn't planned on saying so much, it was Aaron who needed to talk. "I'm never going to be able to put things right with my dad but you still can, you don't have to be the best of friends Aaron, and he's never going to take Paddy's place is he, but you could still have a good relationship with him."

"No!" That was never going to happen

"Aaron you've got the chance to make things right between you and your dad! I wish I could."

"Yeah well I bet your dad never used you as punch bag did he?"

"What?" Robert was stunned by what he'd just heard, at what Aaron's words alluded to. He didn't want to believe it, but as the truth began to sink in he realised it explained a lot about Aaron, about the way he was.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Secrets Lies and Retribution

2

Aaron was horrified by what had just come out of his mouth, at what he'd just let slip. He'd had no intention of telling Robert anything but just minutes into their conversation he'd blabbed. But then he hadn't exactly admitted to anything had he? He wasn't going to either. Getting to his feet Aaron gestured towards the door, "It's time you went."

"No. I'm going nowhere." Robert stated firmly, sitting further back into the sofa so as to prove his determination to stay.

"Please yourself." Aaron said as he made for the door, almost colliding with Diane who was now making her way into the room.

"Aaron?" Robert jumped to his feet and made to go after Aaron only for Diane to block his way

"What's going on?" Diane demanded concerned to find the two young men alone together.

"I need to talk to him...and more importantly he needs to talk to me!"

"Well he's not wanting to talk to you." From what Diane had just witnessed it seemed Aaron couldn't get out of the room quickly enough. "Best leave him for now pet."

"It can't wait." Robert insisted as he edged past his stepmother.

"I don't want any trouble." Diane pleaded. She had been shocked to learn of Robert's affair with Aaron, horrified by the fallout, they'd both been hurt but she knew Aaron had been hurt the most, he wasn't as resilient as Robert, he was so very fragile in comparison and knowing that she knew she had to watch out for him.

"There won't be I promise." Robert squeezed Diane's arm reassuringly, the last thing he wanted to do was upset or worry her. Like he'd told Aaron he truly did care about her.

Robert had heard Aaron thunder up the stairs, knew that he'd made for the sanctuary of his bedroom, taking the stairs two at a time he was soon standing by his closed door. After taking a minute to gather his thoughts Robert caught hold of the handle and turned it, letting himself into the room.

"What do you think you're doing? Get out!" Aaron had been lying on his bed but on seeing Robert he leapt to his feet.

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere and I'm not. Now about what you said downstairs.."

"You're the one who did all the talking, bleating on about your dad, about how you and him didn't get on. He couldn't stand you either by the sound of it." Aaron was deliberately trying to wound Robert, he hoped it would distract him from their earlier conversation.

"There were times he didn't like me much but I know he loved me." Robert countered calmly, he knew exactly what Aaron was trying to do now and it wasn't going to work.

"He wouldn't now though would he? Not after what you did to Katy, to Andy!"

"He forgave Andy a lot worse. Unconditional love and all that. And in answer to your earlier question, no, my dad never used me as a punch bag! He never laid a hand on me, on any of us... but it seems your dad..."

"No!" Aaron spat back, determined to keep the lid on the can of worms he'd so nearly opened.

"Aaron... " Robert began gently, prepared to coax the truth out of Aaron.

"I told you to get out."

"Yeah and why? Because you don't want to admit to what happened. "

"Nothing happened."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't care what you believe."

Robert decided to try a different tack, "Does Chas know what he did?"

"He didn't do anything."

"Why are you protecting him?

"I'm not. He doesn't need protecting from anything."

"Have you told Paddy?"

"There's nothing to tell."

"Maybe I should talk to him, let him..."

Suddenly panicked by the memory of what Robert had done to Paddy Aaron got right in his face and through clenched teeth warned "You keep away from him, you stay well away!"

Realising his grave mistake in mentioning Paddy, Robert said,"Sorry. I wasn't thinking. Look Aaron I'm just concerned for you."

"Well you've got no fuckin' reason to be, now get out!"

Seeing the depth of anger now burning in Aaron's eyes Robert knew he was going to have to admit defeat, for now at least. But it wasn't the end of the matter. If he'd thought this was about Aaron getting the odd smack for playing up he could ignore it, let it go. But Aaron's words, the anguish filled way in which they'd been delivered told him something a lot worse had gone on. He didn't like to think about it, and knew it would haunt him unless he got to the bottom of it. "Ok, but this isn't going to go away." Leaving Aaron to ponder his words Robert made his way out of the room and out of the pub.

Aaron paced the floor trying to understand Robert's interest. Why was he making such a big deal of this? It had nothing to do with him. It was in the past and Aaron was determined to keep it and his dad there. No way was he letting him back in his life and he'd make damned sure his mum didn't let him back into hers either. What the hell was she thinking? He wasn't the man she married, he changed after she left them and not for the good. At first he was just quiet and moody, and Aaron could understand that even at the age of 8. He was the exact same way, he missed his mum dreadfully, he could remember crying himself to sleep. Aaron hadn't let his dad see his tears though, he'd wanted to be strong for him, be the big brave boy he was supposed to be.

As the anger finally drained from him Aaron sat on his bed, he didn't want to think back to that time but the memories he'd successfully buried since coming to live in Emmerdale were resurfacing, seeing his dad had awakened them and one by one they were now filling his head...he was back in his old house... in the living room, the weather was awful, the rain torrential and preventing him from having a kick about out in the back garden. Bored and frustrated he'd started playing around with his football, practicing his skills, he'd got carried away and had lost control, the ball had bounced into the tv screen with enough force to break it.

Aaron knew his dad would be mad, he'd been expecting a bollocking, to be sent to his room and grounded for a month at least, he knew he wouldn't get any pocket money for a while either. That was fair punishment for an accident wasn't it? But when his dad had come home and saw the damage he'd turned around and smacked him hard across the face. The force of the blow had knocked him off his feet. It had taken a good few seconds for him to realise what his dad had done, but when he had he'd burst into tears, clambered to his feet and ran to his room. That was the first time his father had hit him, he wished he could say it was the last.

He supposed he'd grew accepting of it, of the beatings... they had become the norm. Then his dad had met Sandra and for a while they had stopped, his dad was happy again, content. Nothing lasts forever though does it? One day his dad turned on Sandra, giving her a split lip. Like him she had put up with the violence, she loved him just like he did. And like him Sandra had hidden the truth from people, it was a secret she was obviously too ashamed to share. Then she'd got pregnant and his dad had been over the moon, he'd stopped hitting her but once the baby was born it all started again.

By now he was in his teens, he was getting bigger, stronger. That fact didn't didn't stop his dad from hitting him though, and he used to stay out till all hours to avoid him, he'd started getting into trouble then too. between everything that was happening at home and what was going on in his head, he just... well there was no wonder he'd gone off the rails. Maybe if he'd been able to talk to his dad about what he was feeling inside he'd have been able to accept his sexuality long before he did... and without going through the hell he did.

His dad hadn't liked him bringing trouble to his door and in the end he'd thrown him out. He had packed his stuff and dumped him on his mum, lying to her saying he had hit Sandra. At the time he'd been devastated. As bad as things were there, he was his dad, it was his home, it was all he knew.

He had only contempt for his mother back then and for her family, but he'd had nowhere else to go. Hurt and angry by his dad's rejection he'd trashed his office. That was the first time he'd ever hit back at him in some way. His dad had turned up at his Uncle Zack's looking for him, he'd guessed he was responsible for the damage. Aaron could see his dad was livid, but was managing to hold that anger in check, he'd had to, there were too many witness around for him to lay into him there. Still he'd been scared, had backed away, stayed well out of reach of his dad's hands. His mum had lied for him, given him an alibi, and up until the other day that was the last time he'd seen his father.

He didn't think his mum or any of the Dingles had ever questioned his dad's claim that he had hit Sandra. Uncle Zack had even balled him out for hitting a woman. What was it he'd said to him? It was hard to remember now but it was something along the lines of ' A man doesn't lay his hand on a woman in anger' Aaron shook his head, a man wasn't supposed to beat up a child either, but his dad had done both!

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

Secrets Lies and Retribution 

3

Robert had insisted he take a turn driving Diane to the hospital, and as luck would have it, his turn fell the morning after his worrying exchange with Aaron. The plan was that he would escort her to the Oncology Ward where she would have her chemo. Then once he was sure she was settled, he would drive into the town centre. There he would have a look around the shops, have a coffee, do what ever else needed to pass the time before he got the phone call to say Diane was ready to come home.

They were on the way to the hospital now and had been chatting about the weather and other everyday matters. Robert was wanting to get the chitchat out of the way so he could ask Diane something a lot more important. Knowing there was no point in pussyfooting around the topic he jumped right in saying, "What do you know about Gordon Livesy?"

Diane eyed her stepson curiously "Why would he be of interest to you?"

"You know why." Robert said glancing quickly in his stepmother's direction.

"Because of Aaron?"

Robert could hear the annoyance in Diane's voice, it was just what he'd expected, "Yes because of Aaron, because as hard as it might be to believe I do care about him ."

"Then you need to leave him well alone."

"I just want to help him not get back with him." Ok so that wasn't 100% accurate but as honest as he wanted to be with Diane he couldn't let her know everything. "Like I said I still care about him just like I still care about Chrissie. I can see he's struggling with his dad's reappearance and..."

"He'll come round, he just needs some time." Diane was confident about that.

"I'm not so sure."

"Why, what's he said." What did Robert know that she didn't?

"It was said in confidence Diane, and it wasn't just what he said it was how he said it. There's a lot of hurt, a lot of anger bubbling away there, I can't see him getting past it."

Diane had seen it all before with Aaron, he'd been the same with Chas, he had been down right hostile towards her especially when she'd left Paddy for Carl King. "Gordon knows it's not going to be easy, and he's prepared to fight for his son."

"So... what do you make of him?" Robert didn't think Diane was a particularly good judge of character but still he wanted her opinion of the man.

"I like him, from what he's said I know he's sincere when he says he wants to make it up to Aaron, I think he deserves the chance to."

"What's Chas said about him?"

"She seems happy to be back in contact with him, there's no animosity there from what I've seen. I know she would like Aaron and his dad to bond again but she knows she cant make it happen, they have to work things out themselves, and I agree, the less outside interference the better I say!"

"I'm not interfering." Robert insisted knowing Diane's last comment was aimed at him.

"Good, I know you mean well but remember Aaron's got Paddy, Cain and Adam supporting him. Why don't you let those closest to him help him through this."

"Maybe they're a bit too close to him, maybe there are things he can't bring himself to tell them."

"Like what?" Diane was growing more and more suspicious. Just what had Aaron said to Robert?

"Well I don't know, I'm just surmising, I just...I'm just looking out for him I suppose "

"And that's not a bad thing, but things are complicated enough without you getting involved too. Please Robert, for now at least leave Aaron be, let his family help him through this."

Robert nodded his assent but kept his gaze on the road ahead, Diane might just see the truth in his eyes. He didn't want her worrying over this, he'd been wrong to mention anything to her in the first place but then where else would he get the information he needed? As for Aaron, maybe it would be best if he gave him some space. some thinking time, not long though, just a couple of days, then he'd tackle him again.

/

It had been two days since Robert had walked into his bedroom, he'd told him to get out and Aaron hadn't seen or heard from him since. Aaron knew he should be relieved about that but for some inexplicable reason he wasn't. He wasn't sure how he felt exactly, sort of a mix of disappointment and confusion. Just what was Robert playing at? Why say he cared, he'd have been back by now if he did, wouldn't he? He was just messing with his head again, wasn't he? Robert was good at that and he was stupid enough to let him.

Why was he even giving Robert a seconds thought now? Maybe it was because of what he'd said, 'this isn't going to go away'. He'd been determined it would but Robert's words had planted the seeds of doubt. His mum had promised to end contact with his dad and it would have to be snowing in hell before he went within a mile of him. That's not what Robert meant though was it? He'd meant how it was making him feel inside, it had turned his world upside down again. How dare his dad turn up like that? Arrogant bastard! He was just going to have to stop dwelling on him and on Robert for that matter. Come to think of it the pair had a lot in common. They'd both been important in his life once, he'd loved them both once, he'd taken a heap of crap off them, and the way they'd treated him had obviously scarred him emotionally. Ok so he wasn't so innocent a party where Robert was concerned, but as for his dad... well he'd done nothing to earn those beatings!

"You want another one."

Doug's question had roused Aaron from his thoughts and he'd had to look around to get his bearings. He was sitting by the bar in the Woolpack, an empty pint glass in his hand. He didn't remember drinking its contents but he must have done.

"Well?" Doug eyed the younger man questioningly wondering just how hard a question it was he'd asked.

"Yeah go on then... actually no I won't." Aaron suddenly decided sitting there moping wasn't doing him any good. Seeing the disgruntled look on Doug's face Aaron got to his feet and offered a conciliatory "thanks."

"Don't you go disturbing Diane."

"I won't." Aaron said making his way around the bar and into the back. He wasn't going anywhere near the living room where Diane was taking a nap. He was going to go upstairs, take a quick shower, change into something clean then nip into town to buy some new clobber. Paddy had given him money for Christmas and for his birthday and so far he hadn't spent a single penny of it. He could do with some new trainers, and some proper work boots like the ones Adam wore. With all the incessant rain of late the scrapyard was either a foot deep in water or mud. It had been quiet up there this morning, dead in fact and so he'd closed the scrapyard early, given himself a half day. Adam was holed up at home heartbroken on finding out he wasn't Jonny's dad, Aaron knew he wouldn't care if it was open or not. Knowing he needed to fill some hours, that he needed some sort of distraction, town seemed the best of his options.

Two hours later he was spent up and laden with bags. With the January sales in full swing his money had gone further than expected and he'd even managed to get himself a new game for his PS4.

Aaron decided to drop by Paddy's on his way home, see if he wanted to try the game out, after work of course. They could maybe have a lads night in, pizza and tinnies, just like they used to do. Aaron didn't think Rhona would mind, not as long as their enthusiasm over the game didn't disturb a sleeping Leo, well Paddy did tend to get excitable if he was losing or struggling to master a game. Aaron smiled to himself as his mind replayed memories of such times.

As the memories faded so did his smile, he was back to reality, cold and wet and sitting on a packed bus that was slowly taking him home. There was an old man sitting next to him and not wanting to get into a conversation with him, he kept his gaze locked on the view from the window. They were on the outskirts of town now. The posh end! There were some four star hotels and some fancy restaurants to be found here.

The bus had just come to a shuddering halt causing Aaron to scowl, it had been stop-start all the way. Tea time traffic, the so called rush hour to blame. He would have got a taxi home if he'd thought, it was too late now he was just going to have to stick it out.

The bus had stopped near to one of the restaurants, Aaron eyed the place thoughtfully, wondering what a slap-up meal would cost there, a weeks wages or more probably! He wasn't likely to find out, not that it bothered him... what the hell! A woman had just walked out through the restaurant's gleaming glass doors, at first he'd thought whoever it was just looked like his mum, but then he'd realised it was her. What was she doing in there?

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

Secrets Lies and Retribution 

4

Aaron had arrived home about twenty minutes before his mother, she had a car so by rights she should have got home before him, so what had kept her? He was suspicious, he couldn't help it, she'd seen his dad in secret at least once that he knew of. Despite her promise not to he had a sneaking feeling she had seen him again today. Why else would she be at a place like that?

In that twenty minutes Aaron had put his stuff away and made himself a mug of tea and a sandwich, he was sitting at the kitchen table eating it when his mother finally walked into the room. She'd greeted him with a smile and he'd acknowledged her with a quietly voiced, "Where've you been all afternoon?" Doug had told him that she'd gone to the cash and carry but Aaron was keen to find out how she would explain her absence?

"The bank!" Chas didn't like lying to her son even if it was a white lie of sorts. After all it wasn't all that far from the truth now was it? Banks lent you money and Gordon was lending her the money she needed to buy Diane's share of the pub. She was itching to tell Aaron the truth but because of the way things were between him and his dad it was better she wait.

"Why?" She'd only gone there yesterday with the takings, she wasn't due to go again until tomorrow, at least that was the usual routine.

Slipping out of her coat and tossing it over the sofa Chas said, "Well... I er put together a new business plan, and they're you know liking the figures I put forward. It's looking good... I'm pretty sure they'll lend me the money for the pub."

"Really?" Aaron knew his mother was lying, she looked uncomfortable, her words were hesitant and her smile didn't reach her eyes. Still he wasn't about to call her a liar to her face, not yet anyway.

"There's still all the paperwork to do, dotting the i's, crossing the t's and stuff like that, but like I said it's looking like a done deal."

"Ok." If he thought she was being totally honest with him he'd have been over the moon for her, but he had a sinking feeling in his stomach, he smelled a rat and was pretty sure that rat was his dad.

"I thought you'd be pleased." Aaron might not seem all that enthused now but Chas was sure he would be when he found out his dad was putting the share he bought off Diane in his son's name. How could Aaron not see such a generous gesture for what it was?

"I am but let's leave the celebrating until it's all finalized, you know what banks are like... untrustworthy."

"Yeah you're right." Chas didn't want to make it common knowledge yet anyway, there would be too many questions asked, and she didn't want anything getting in the way of things. "And best we keep it between you and me for now eh?"

"Yeah." Chewing on the last of his sandwich Aaron asked, "You hungry?" Right now he didn't care if his mother was or not, he just wanted to change the topic of conversation and in the process see if she would tell him about her visit to Lumière's or whatever it was called.

"No. I stopped at the chippy on the way home. I know I know, my New Year's resolution was to keep off the fried stuff but I felt like celebrating and you know I can't say no to saveloy and chips!" In fact she'd had something a lot more fancy and a lot more expensive, but she couldn't tell Aaron that.

Aaron rolled his eyes in mock exasperation, pointing to the bar he said, "You'd better go work it off then." He wasn't in any mood for his mother's company right now, not after the string of lies she'd just fed him and he was sure they were all lies.

"Yeah, Doug's on his own out there, I'd best give him a hand, it's starting to get busy." Chas was grateful for an excuse to get away from Aaron, the guilt she felt about lying was starting to get to her now, she might just end up admitting everything if she spent any more time with him.

As the door closed behind his mother Aaron got to his feet and placed his mug and plate in the sink, he couldn't be bothered washing them up. His attention settled on the tv, but he doubted there was anything on that would hold his attention right now. He'd been disappointed on finding out Paddy was at some veterinary lecture in Leeds and wouldn't be back until late. That had put the kibosh on his plans, but as it turned out it was for the best because the mood he was in now it was better he kept himself to himself. He had fancied a pint but wanting to stay clear of his mother he told himself to head upstairs to his room, hopefully he could lose himself in the game he'd bought?

As he made for the door his gaze fell on his mother's coat, he could see her phone peeking out of one of its pockets. Wondering if it had a story to tell he yanked it out of its resting place. He was annoyed but not at all surprised to see his dad's name in the message list, and his annoyance grew on seeing the last one had arrived just fifteen minutes ago. So his suspicions were right, his mum was still in contact with his dad. Aaron knew the message was private and that he shouldn't read it but he was going to anyway. 'Hi Chas, I just wanted to thank you for this afternoon, can't wait for the next time... same time same place? G xxx'

"The lying bitch!" The words erupted from Aaron's mouth, he was more than a little angry with his mum now, he wanted to have it out with her there and then, storm into the bar and tell everyone there just what he thought of her. But there was one thing stopping him and that was the thought of catching the two of them together! That way he could tell them both what he thought of them. He was going to have to bide his time, swallow his anger, keep it in check until that time came and it would, he was sure of that.

Aaron might have been able to dampen the flames of anger caused by his mothers betrayal, but the hurt he felt inside intensified with every passing second. The all too familiar dark and oppressive cloud was soon hovering above him, shrinking his world, turning him in on himself, and so began the countdown...

He made for his room, for his place of sanctuary, knowing there he could release some of that pain.

/

Robert was grateful to Victoria for letting him stay at hers, it was usually a quiet haven, but not so the last couple of days. Victoria had told him Adam was in bits and he'd seen for himself just how devastated Vanessa's bombshell had left him, The Barton family were rallying round. Moira had been there the past hour and because Diane was feeling a little better after resting most of the day she was there too, offering some comfort of her own. He'd let both women in and had made them each a mug of tea, but that was as much as he felt able to do under the circumstances.

Knowing he wouldn't be missed Robert had decided to go for a pint at the Wooly. As he stepped into the pub he noted just how busy it was, it seemed a stag party were on a pub crawl and the Woolpack was one of their designated stops. Chas and Doug would be kept busy for a while and with that in mind Robert turned on his heels and headed back outside. He was going to sneak in the back way, and hopefully find that Aaron was home.

The living room proved empty so Robert headed upstairs. He thought about knocking on Aaron's door but then thought better of it. He walked right on in just like he had done the last time he'd been here.

He was ready to do battle, ready to get the truth out of Aaron... but he wasn't ready for the horrifying site that met him. Nothing could have prepared him for that.

Aaron was holding a knife to his side, and blood was trickling around its point of entry...

tbc


	5. Chapter 5

Secrets Lies and Retribution

5

"Aaron!" Robert whispered, shock having robbed him of his voice and momentarily of his reasoning. What did he do? How did he deal with this? He just didn't know.

Aaron hadn't heard Robert come in, he hadn't been aware of anything other than the cold steel against his skin, the intense stinging as it pierced the raw open wound, then the welcome release as it had sliced deeper into his flesh. But as he opened his eyes he was suddenly aware of someone else in his room, angered by the intrusion, by someone seeing him Aaron bellowed at the intruder, "Get out!"

Aaron's ear splitting demand jolted Robert out of his daze and into action, "Give me the knife." He demanded, his faculties returning along with his voice, "Give it to me now or I'm going downstairs and bringing your mum up here, and I'll get Paddy in here too. Aaron had ten seconds to comply and if he didn't he would make good his threat.

"I don't want them to know, please Robert." His anger had disappeared to be instantly replaced by dread, he didn't want anyone else knowing about this especially his mum and Paddy.

"Then give me the knife!" Robert pleaded.

Aaron eyed the penknife thoughtfully telling himself that there was more where that had come from. He wiped the blood off it onto his joggers, then as he folded it he realised he had to appease Robert in some way or he would tell his family, "I won't do it again I swear."

"Just give it to me." Robert's voice soared in anger, he didn't believe Aaron for one minute and he was stupid to think he would.

Aaron tossed the penknife over to Robert then turned his back on him, he couldn't stand the way he was looking at him, like he was some kind of freak. But then maybe he was? His head was starting to fill with all sorts of things now, he couldn't think straight but knew Robert would want answers. As he struggled to get his thoughts in order he felt Robert's hands on him, gently but firmly turning him around.

"I need to look at this."

"It's nothing. it'll heal." Aaron insisted shrugging Robert's hands off him before reaching for his t-shirt, he was suddenly desperate to hide what he'd done.

Robert snatched the t shirt out of Aaron's hand, throwing it onto the floor before forcefully steering Aaron over to his bed, sitting him down to then kneel in front of him. He cringed on getting a close-up look at the injury Aaron had just inflicted on himself. It was bleeding, the steady trickle of crimson made his stomach turn. If that wasn't bad enough the surrounding area was a mass of discolouration, the various hues of bruising serving to add to the ugliness of it all, and even more worrying was that there was a hint of redness there. It seemed Aaron had recently opened and old wound, today hadn't been the first time, no this had been going on for a while! Having seen all he needed to he picked up Aaron's t-shirt and pressed it firmly against the wound saying, "This is going to hurt... but you wont mind that will you?" He knew he shouldn't have said it but he was so angry with Aaron right now, the aggrieved sort of anger, the sort you feel when someone you love scares the hell out of you.

Aaron grimaced and tensed as a fire seared through his side, the pain making him feel sick and dizzy. This he couldn't control, this he had no power over and he wanted it to stop, "Robert don't I..."

"I need to stop the bleeding! You think I want to do this..." Robert's temper flared again "... there's other things I'd rather be doing."

"Go do them then. I don't need you." Aaron snarled back, unable to believe the situation he found himself in. He'd just realised he was at Robert's mercy now. He could and would hold what he'd just witnessed over him."

"Yes you do you stupid..." Robert bit back on his words they would only take this conversation in the wrong direction, what he needed to do was find out what was going on in Aaron's head. "Why Aaron? Why do this to yourself? Is it because of your dad? Because he's back? Because of what he did to you? Tell me and I'll sort it. I'll get rid of him, you wont have to see him again, not ever!"

"I hate him!" The words were out before Aaron could stop them, he told himself to leave it at that, to button his lip, that he couldn't trust Robert.

"I know you do," Robert said softly, "I'm just not sure why."

"He gave up on me! All the times I needed him he wasn't there, but now because it suits him, he thinks he can pick up where he left off. It's not going to happen."

"I can understand you feeling that way, its a lot to forgive." It was but Robert didn't believe that was the cause of Aaron self-harming again, at least not the sole cause. "It's not just that though is it? Aaron you can tell me."

Aaron knew he was going to have to somehow convince Robert that his suspicions were wrong."

"My mum's seeing him again, in secret, behind my back. She promised she wouldn't, she's lying to me. "

Robert nodding his understanding, he could see how that would hurt and disappoint Aaron too but still he knew there was more going on here than what Aaron had told him, much more. "Aaron..."

"Can you go now, I'll be alright..."

"No." He wasn't going anywhere, not yet anyway, and certainly not until he'd attended to Aaron's wound. Getting to his feet Robert laid down the law, "Don't you move from there!"

"Where are you going?" Aaron was suddenly scared Robert was going to fetch his mum.

"The bathroom, I'll be right back." There was a first aid box kept in there, it should have everything he needed.

Aaron had to fight the sudden urge to do a runner, Robert was making him feel so helpless.

"Right... let's get that cleaned up." Robert said as he stepped back into the room.

"I can do it." Aaron insisted on realising what Robert intended doing.

"Yeah well I'll do a better job!"

An uncomfortable silence fell between them but Robert wasn't too worried about that, Aaron was letting him attend to him that was the main thing. As he cleaned the wound he shook his head "I don't like the look of this, I think you should see a doctor." There was definitely some redness there, "You know you might have the beginnings of an..."

"Ok. If it's no better tomorrow I'll go." Like hell he would, just how would he explain it. "Dab some of that cream on it, that will sort it."

Robert picked up the tube of antiseptic cream, he read the wording 'for minor cuts and grazes' there was nothing minor about this cut! Hopefully it would be of some help, he would check the wound again tomorrow to be sure. After a applying a liberal amount of cream Robert ripped open a small packet.

"What's that?" Aaron asked wondering why Robert was taking so long.

"It's a dressing, it stays on until I take it off tomorrow, and I'll know if its been tampered with." Robert warned.

"Stop treating me like an idiot!" Aaron snapped back.

"I'm not. I'm just concerned that the minute I turn my back you'll do the same again!"

"I won't. Things just got too much but like I said I'm ok now.

"I wish I could believe that."

"Well you're just going to have to!" Indignant now Aaron lunged to his feet taking a defiant stance.

"There's more, There's something you're not admitting to and until you do..."

"No. You're wrong."

"This runs a lot deeper than your father's rejection and your mother's betrayal, I know it does.

"No."

"I know you Aaron Livsey." Robert said softly as he tentatively raised his hand to caress Aaron's cheek. "I know what makes you tick. I know your strengths and your weaknesses. So I know that whatever it is that's driving you to do this isn't something you can confront on your own."

All the fight suddenly drained out of Aaron and he bowed his head in defeat. Robert was right, he couldn't do this on his own. He was back to self-harming wasn't that proof enough.

Stepping a little closer to Aaron, Robert slowly wrapped his arms around him, feeling him first tense and then melt against him. Tightening his hold he whispered, "Let me help you."

Aaron nestled his face against Robert's shoulder, he could hear Robert's heart beating, he could feel his body heat, he felt safe, cocooned against the outside world. Despite the pain in his side he shifted closer to Robert absorbing the comfort offered.

"Aaron. What did your dad do?" If Aaron was to ever tell him it would be now, he couldn't let this chance slip him by.

"He... he blamed me." Aaron forced the words out passed his lips. "He blamed me for her leaving."

Aaron's words seemed innocuous enough at first and Robert waited with bated breath for Aaron to continue. But as his silence continued Robert realised their depth of meaning. He was suddenly filled with loathing for a man he didn't know. He told himself he had to push that hatred to one side for now. Aaron needed him, and he was here for him, he wasn't going anywhere, not tonight.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Secrets Lies and Retribution

6

Robert checked his watch, it was just after two in the morning. He knew he should be asleep but there wasn't an ounce of sleep in him. Thankfully Aaron had long since drifted into a peaceful slumber. Robert smiled to himself, it felt so good holding him in his arms again. A soft sigh escaped Aaron's lips and Robert pulled him closer to him, overwhelmed by the sudden need to keep him safe, to protect him. He would make damn sure no one hurt him ever again, and he included himself in that promise.

The room was dimly lit and blissfully quiet, he was warm, comfortable and the last thing he wanted to do was leave, but he'd promised Aaron he would before anyone woke up, and so was going to have to at some point. The hardest part would be leaving Aaron, they'd reconnected last night, it felt right and he knew it was. Nothing physical had happened between them, not even a kiss, it would have been wrong to take advantage of the situation, it would have done more harm than good to their relationship if he had. He was calling it a relationship, it wasn't really, not yet but it could be if they both worked at it. He was prepared to and mores to the point he was determined not to do anything to spoil things this time. Aaron had trusted him with a long held secret last night, despite everything he'd done that proved he still had feelings for him, that he didn't hate him like he'd said, that he could hopefully get passed the ugliness and love him again. That was going to have to take a back seat for now though, Aaron's health, and the reason for him self-harming were going to have to take precedence.

In actual fact Aaron hadn't said all that much, he'd told him his father had hit him, that a backhander had quickly escalated into regular beatings. Aaron hadn't gone into any details and he hadn't pushed him into giving him any, what he'd been told was harrowing enough. Still, Robert was certain Aaron was holding something back, and that very fact was what was keeping him awake. What was it that Aaron wasn't telling him?

Yawning he realised he was beginning to feel tired, that his eyelids were growing heavy, telling himself he couldn't do any more about the situation right now he closed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

/

Aaron stirred, slowly surfacing from the depths of sleep. As awareness returned he knew something wasn't right, that there was something different about his bed this morning. He quickly realised what that was... he wasn't the only one in it! Memories of the previous night came flooding back, and a sense of unease washed over him. He'd told Robert about his dad, and then fallen asleep in his arms. It had seemed the right thing to do last night, now he wasn't so sure. Hadn't he sworn to never go within a mile of Robert Sugden, hadn't he told himself he could do so much better, more importantly that he deserved so much better? He'd hated him for what he'd done to Paddy... at least he thought he had, he couldn't do could he because he wouldn't have spent a night snuggled up to him if he did. How could he, he loved Paddy, he could never forgive Robert for so nearly killing him. Hit by a wave of self disgust Aaron shrugged off Robert's arms and clambered out of bed, he wanted Robert gone now. Gripping Robert's shoulders he started to shake him.

"Robert! Come on wake up. You have to go, you have to get out of here."

"What?" Robert wasn't quite sure where he was or what was going on after being woken from a deep sleep. On seeing Aaron everything fell into place and he eyed him questioningly "What time is it?"

"Never mind what time it is, you need to go."

Robert checked his watch, it didn't seem all that long since he'd last done so, "It's half five! I don't have to go yet." Robert protested, who in their right mind got up at five thirty on a cold January morning?

"You have to." Aaron insisted yanking the duvet off Robert.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Robert asked seeing the panic in Aaron's eyes.

"You shouldn't be here. I don't want you here."

It seemed Aaron was regretting last night. "What's changed?" Robert asked quietly knowing he had to remain calm, "You wanted me here last night, you needed me."

"I didn't know what I was doing last night or what I was saying."

"Aaron don't push me away, not now."

"Robert you have to go!"

"Not yet I don't! Another hour and I'll go, ok? Now come back to bed, nothing's going to happen, it didn't last night and it's not now. I'm here as a friend, one you can talk to, one you can tell your secrets to... remember?"

"You can't tell anyone else." God knows what trouble it would cause, or what it could lead to.

"I won't." But why couldn't he? Aaron was the innocent party in this, and this was what worried him, this is what told him there was something else going on here, something Aaron was scared would come out, but what? Patting the empty space beside him he said softly "C'mon, at least until the heating comes on."

Aaron knew he couldn't force Robert to leave, he wouldn't go quietly and he didn't want anyone waking up and seeing him there. And he was calming down now, remembering how he'd felt last night, how good it was to feel Robert's arms around him, to feel his warmth, hearing his words of comfort of understanding. He'd been great, he'd listened, he'd let him talk and he hadn't questioned what he'd said, he'd just held him and made him feel safe. He settled in bed beside Robert again, a little disappointed when he didn't pull him into his arms like he had last night.

"You ok?" Robert asked, unsure of what else to say right now, things were a little awkward between them still.

"Yeah just a bit cold." He wasn't, not at all but maybe if Robert thought he was..." Robert had just pulled him into his arms, just like he'd wanted him to. No matter what his head told him his heart told him this was how it should be, that this was where he belonged.

/

Aaron slammed his bedroom door shut behind him, and instantly began pacing back and forth. He was livid, and his anger was showing no sign of abating. He'd come up to his room knowing the way he was feeling right now he was in danger of punching anyone who got in his face. Paddy's admission had rocked him, he couldn't believe it of him, not at first. Paddy was so reliable, he was a good decent man, he'd never cheat on his wife, not on Rhona. But he had, he really had. He was so disappointed him, so hurt, it felt like Paddy had betrayed him too, well he was part of that family wasn't he. Paddy had always told him he was and since coming back from France he'd got a lot closer to Rhona, and as for Leo, well that little boy needed Paddy, he needed a stable home just like the social worker said the kids waiting to be adopted did. He'd seen red, given Paddy a mouthful then had brooded over the news for hours. Then he'd seen the social worker again and ... he'd betrayed Paddy! He hated himself for it but what if that marriage fell apart too? What hell would those kids goes through?

Despite what he'd found out about her just yesterday he'd been hoping to talk to his mum about Paddy. He'd texted and rang her but his messages went unanswered and his calls went straight to voicemail. She'd said she was seeing a rep that afternoon, but was she? He was suspicious of her now but then she'd given him cause to be. He told himself not to think about her right now, that it would only make him more angry. If Adam wasn't so cut up about Jonny he'd have told him about what he'd done, he needed to tell someone it was tearing him up inside.

Aaron hadn't really wanted to tell Robert about what had happened between him and Paddy, not with their history, it just didn't seem right but it seemed he had no other option right now. Robert had said he had a business meeting this afternoon, and would text when he was back in the village, when was that going to be? He didn't think he could wait until then, right now he felt ready to explode. Pulling his phone from his pocket he tapped out a message, 'I need to see you, NOW" He could only hope Robert would realise it was urgent and get back to him, if not he... well he didn't know what he'd do.

Ten minutes later he was still waiting for a reply but he had calmed down a bit, enough to be able to sit on his bed. One minute he was telling himself he'd done the right thing, the next that he'd done something unforgivably wrong. Eventually the battle between the two sides had got too much and his hand moved to his side. Robert had replaced the dressing before leaving that morning, he hadn't been happy about the wound, had made him promise to see the doctor and he'd told him he would. Now all he wanted to do was open it again. Aaron wasn't sure if it was to let out some of the hurt he was feeling or punish himself for what he'd done. Either way he needed to do it. Getting to his feet he hurried downstairs and into the kitchen area, pulling open a drawer he pulled out a knife then made his way back to his room.

As the first drop of blood fell Aaron heard his phone bleep, he snatched it up of his bed, opening the message he'd been waiting for. "I'm parked outside, round back."

Aaron made for the bathroom, hurriedly redressed the wound, then once back in his room tossed some overnight stuff into a bag, he wasn't planning on coming back here tonight.

"What's in the bag?" Robert asked as Aaron got in the car.

"Can we stay somewhere tonight?"

Robert decided an explanation could wait and said, "I'll go grab some stuff, won't be long."

It hadn't taken long to throw what he needed into a bag, it had taken longer to explain his departure to his sister, he'd told her he was meeting up with an old school friend and planned on having a few drinks so would stay in town overnight. Victoria had wanted more details, telling him "I worry you now!" He'd hugged her and told her she didn't need to worry about him. Still it was nice to know how much she cared about him.

Back in the car, Robert picked up his phone, I'll book a room at..."

"Just drive!" Aaron insisted wanting to put as much distance as he could between Emmerdale and himself.

"What's happened?" Robert asked as he turned right onto Main St. Something definitely had, Aaron was well and truly worked up.

They were passing the Smithy now, it was all lit up. It had always looked so welcoming to Aaron before, he'd always thought of it as home... it didn't feel like home now, he knew he wasn't going to be welcome there ever again.

"Aaron?" Seeing the troubled way Aaron was looking at Smithy Cottage Robert asked, "Did it go ok with the social worker?"Aaron had told him he was one of Paddy's referees, was that what was responsible for his current mood?

"Yes... no! I did what I had to do. I had to tell her the truth."

"Of course you did." Surely that could only have been in Paddy and Rhona's favour?

"You don't understand. it's not going to happen now, not after what I told her."

Taken aback Robert could only acknowledge Aaron's words with "Ok." Seconds later he was still trying to get his head around it but knew he had to say something more, "I'll book us into that new place this side of Hotten, we can talk about this there."

Aaron nodded, that suited him fine, before he'd been desperate to talk about what he'd done now he just wanted to stare out of the window into the darkness and try and forget about everything.

/

The Lodge was a new build but it had the cosy look and feel to it that usually only established premises could offer. It was also off the beaten track, in a quiet secluded area. It was for that reason Robert had suggested they go there, he knew Aaron wouldn't want to bump into someone he knew and he didn't think it likely he would here.

After checking in Robert remembered he'd left his phone in the car. "I'd better get it, with Diane being ill I want her to be able to get hold of me if she needs to.

"Yeah. I'll go find the room." Aaron had started to feel ill in the car, despite the heater being on he'd felt cold and shivery, like he was going in for some virus or other. He just wanted to go to bed and sleep it off.

/

Robert's stomach was rumbling painfully he hadn't eaten since breakfast, so on stepping back inside the hotel he decided to check out its restaurent, see how busy it was. Hopefully he could coax Aaron into going there later.

It looked quiet, just four tables occupied. He was about to turn around and leave when laughter filled the air, it had a familiar ring to it and Robert stared in the direction it had come from. She had her back to him but Robert knew instantly that it was Chas. He had seen Aaron's dad just the once, he hadn't had a real good look at him but he knew it was him sitting opposite the cackling witch that was Aaron's mother.

He was pretty good at controlling his temper usually, at least he didn't have such a short a fuse as Aaron, but one look at Aaron's so called parents had the anger ignite in his belly and spread like wildfire through his veins. Storming over to their table he stood alongside Chas and waited until he'd got her attention. With Chas now eyeing him warily he said "Do you know what this is doing to him? What you being with this nob is doing to your son? You selfish bitch!"

"Hey!" Gordon was on his feet now, ready to put a stop to the insults flying his and Chas' way.

Robert didn't think twice, Gordon Livesy needed a taste of his own medicine, and it was with great satisfaction that he aimed a blow at the other man, his fist connecting with his chin and sending him sprawling to the floor. "That..." Robert snarled "That was for Aaron, for all the times you beat on him!"

tbc


	7. Chapter 7

Secrets Lies and Retribution

7

Aaron hadn't made it up to their room, having been hit by a sudden wave of nausea as he'd approached the stairs, he'd been forced to take a detour into the nearby 'Mens'. There he'd dry retched for a good five minutes, he had then splashed some cold water onto his face, rinsing away the beads of perspiration glistening there. What the hell was the matter with him? He felt like crap and catching sight of himself in a mirror he told himself he looked just as bad. It must have been something he'd eaten, maybe it was the bacon butty he'd had at Bob's at dinner time? Yeah it had to be that.

As he'd walked back into the foyer he'd spotted Robert entering the restaurant. Aaron guessed he was going there to book them a table for later, but eating was the last thing he wanted to do tonight. He followed on behind Robert, wanting to tell him he need only book a table for one.

Aaron had been standing by the restaurants entrance when it had all kicked off. At first he'd thought Robert had seen someone he knew and had gone over to chat to them. He'd held back, not wanting to be seen. But then reality had struck and had once again left him in a state of disbelief. It was his mother and father sitting at the table and Robert had just launched a verbal assault on her before decking his dad and airing his secret! He looked on in stunned fascination, he just couldn't believe what was happening.

Then it wasn't just the three of them putting on a show, two waiters had appeared out of nowhere and a third man, the manager Aaron guessed, were now involved in the drama. There were so many voices vying to be heard, Aaron strained to hear what was actually being said, and when he did catch a full sentence he wished he hadn't. "He's lying, Aaron would say and do anything to keep me and Chas from getting back together." It was his dad's voice, there was no mistaking it!

His father's words echoed over and over in his head. People would believe that of him wouldn't they? After all it was true to a point. He would do just about anything to keep them apart, and yes he wasn't above lying but he wasn't lying about that. Something told him his mother wouldn't believe his word over his father's and right now he didn't have the strength to try and convince her otherwise. In truth he didn't much care what she believed, he didn't much care about anything or anyone any more. He was finally admitting defeat, the final score being, Aaron Livsey O - The Rest of the World 1.

Turning his back on the mayhem Aaron walked towards the hotel entrance, he didn't know where he was going, it didn't matter just as long as it was as far away as was possible from the two people who had given him life, he hated them for it.

It was cold outside, and Aaron shivered against the night's chill. He told himself to walk faster, that he'd soon warm up if he did. Only he found he couldn't walk any faster, his legs were aching, his muscles protesting his every step. He wanted to stop, to rest, to catch his breath but he had to keep moving, he had to keep going no matter how bad he felt, and he was sure he couldn't have felt any worse if he'd been dying. With a bit of luck he was! But then when did he ever have any luck?

Aaron wasn't sure how long he'd been walking, forever it seemed. He just knew he didn't seem to be getting anywhere and that every step drained him of a little more of his strength.

He could hear a car somewhere off in the distance, it was coming up fast behind him. He knew whose car it was too, he recognised the sound of the engine. Well he had nothing to say to Robert Sugden, he'd said too much already.

He'd expected Robert to pull up along side of him, but instead he drove a little way ahead then veered directly in front of him, forcing him to stop in his tracks.

"Where'd you think you're going." Robert demanded, he'd looked for Aaron at the hotel and finding no sign of him and their bags unattended at the main door he'd realised he'd left, that he must have witnessed his loss of control. He hadn't thought about Aaron's reaction at the time, how he would feel about what he'd done, only now was he realising the damage he'd caused.

"Leave me alone, please just leave me alone." It had taken all the strength Aaron could muster to make that plea. He felt so weak, his legs were trembling now, threatening to give way beneath him.

"Aaron?" Even with just a street lamp illuminating Aaron's face Robert could see how ill he looked, he was deathly pale and perspiring profusely, his eyes were glazed and it looked like he was having trouble keeping them open. Something was very wrong. His fears were instantly confirmed when Aaron suddenly slumped against him.

Fighting down a surge of panic Robert supported Aaron's weight and repeatedly called his name until he got some response...

"Robert?"

"Yeah, it's me." Robert reassured a now frightened looking Aaron, "C'mon let's get you in the car."

/

They were almost at the hospital now, and Robert couldn't get there soon enough. One minute Aaron was awake and responding to his name being called, the next he was asleep, at least he though he was sleeping he could well be slipping in and out of consciousness for all Robert knew. Aaron was shivering uncontrollably but his skin was hot to the touch. Robert knew it was no ordinary fever that had him in its grip, that there was something a lot more serious going on. Was the wound in his side responsible for this? Most probably it was. Aaron had promised to get it seen to today and he'd been fool enough to believe he would. He should have asked about it earlier, why hadn't he asked? Maybe if he had..."

"I'm cold."

"I know." Robert clasped Aaron's hand and squeezed gently, he had to fight the urge to turn the heat up in the car, he knew it wouldn't help any, "We're nearly at the hospital now, they'll sort you out." 'And they would' Robert told himself, if he'd survived being shot then Aaron would soon be back on his feet.

/

Robert had half carried half dragged Aaron into the A&E department, he couldn't take his own weight and as for his breathing, it had suddenly become unnaturally fast, Robert's concern grew. He'd been about to shout for help when a nurse appeared by his side, together they'd eased Aaron into a wheelchair. She'd asked his name then whisked him away into a side room, all Robert could do now was give Aaron's details to the receptionist.

He'd sat and stared at the room Aaron was in, he'd seen a doctor hurry in, then a second one had entered in a few minutes later, he'd looked a lot older, was probably more senior, more experienced. Nurses were constantly in and out of there too. The apparent urgency scared Robert, he was beginning to realise this was even more serious than he'd first thought.

After what seemed like hours the nurse who'd recognised how ill Aaron was came to sit by him. He braced himself, he knew it wasn't going to be good news.

"It's sepsis, it's when the body is overcome by an infection. The doctor thinks its bacterial in origin, that it stems from the infected wound in his side. He's very ill..."

"But he's going to be ok isn't he?"

"He'd been started on IV antibiotics and IV fluids, hopefully we've caught it in time..."

"But if you haven't?"

"The complication's of sepsis can be life threatening..."

"He's not going to die!" Robert insisted.

"Like I said, hopefully we've caught it in time."

Robert nodded, of course they had, he had to believe that.

"I asked him about letting his family know that he was here, he said he didn't have any."

Robert hesitated before answering, the nurse didn't need to know every wretched detail, "There's been a bit of a fall out recently."

"Still it might be a good idea to inform them."

"Right." He was going to have to get the ok from Aaron first. "Can I see him?"

"Yes, just for a few minutes though, he really needs to rest."

/

It was hard to believe it was Aaron lying there, so still, so quiet... so ill. He had drips going into his arm, an oxygen mask on his face, a monitor recorded his pulse, bloodpressure, temperature and other things too probably. Robert knew enough to know Aaron's pulse was going like the clappers and that his temperature was dangerously high.

"Aaron?" He willed Aaron to open his eyes, for him to give some indication he was fighting this.

All Aaron wanted to do was sleep, to be unaware of the world around him, why wouldn't they let him sleep? He opened his eyes, he thought it was doctor talking to hiim but it was Robert, why was he still here? "Go home Robert, I don't want you here."

"Yeah well I don't believe you." Robert said softly, "I'm not going anywhere, so you're going to have to get used to seeing me sitting here."

"I'm so tired." How did he make Robert understand, how did he make him see he'd had enough.

Aaron's admission sounded innocent enough but Robert knew it was anything but, he wasn't just in need of sleep, he ...

The alarm on the monitor was sounding, "Aaron?" Robert watched the nurse press the emergency bell and knew Aaron's condition had suddenly deteriorated. A sense of dread rose from the pit of Robert's stomach and wrapped its icy fingers around his heart... he was going to lose him, he was going to lose Aaron!

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Secrets Lies and Retribution

8

Robert had been ushered out into the waiting room. There he'd stood like some lost soul, he felt so helpless. There was nothing he could do to help Aaron, nothing. He was in the hands of strangers, but he had to put his trust in them. Now he knew how Victoria and Diane must have felt when he'd been brought here, when he'd been fighting for his life. And he had fought back, he'd wanted to live, and that had made all the difference. He wasn't so sure Aaron did want to live...

He suddenly felt sick, dizzy, and his legs were starting to buckle beneath him. He slumped down into a chair, telling himself to get a grip, to take some deep breaths and calm down. He would be no use to Aaron in this state, he was going to need him and he would be there every step of the way.

When the door to Aaron's room finally opened Robert got to his feet. One of the doctors caring for Aaron was now making his way towards him. Why wasn't the nurse coming to speak to him? What was it she couldn't tell him? Once again he felt a sense of dread wash over him.

"Are you with Aaron Livesy?"

"Yes." Robert replied terrified of what the doctor might say to him next.

"Could I have a word in private, just in there."

The doctor had gestured to another room, and Robert forced his feet to follow him in that direction.

"Please, have a seat."

Robert sank down into a chair opposite the doctor, his heart was thundering painfully up into his throat, "He's alright isn't he? I mean he's not..."

"Aaron's one very sick young man. We've managed to stabilize his condition but I'm transferring him over to Intensive Care, it's more a precautionary move than a necessity at the moment. Should his condition deteriorate then he'll be in the right place."

Robert thought he was going to pass out with relief on hearing Aaron was alive, still the rest of what the doctor had said was worrying. "Ok."

"Obviously it's Aaron's general health that is of concern to me at the moment but I cant ignore what's caused his collapse. Did you know he was self-harming?"

"I only found out that he'd started again yesterday. He hasn't in a long while."

"You told one of the nurses that there had been some sort of fallout with his family?"

"Yes"

"Do you think that might have something to do with it?"

"I think it has, well I'm pretty sure it's down to that."

Nodding the Doctor said "I'm going to refer him back to the specialist in that particular health field. I want a support system set in place long before he leaves this hospital. I want to prevent this happening again."

"But he is on the mend?" Robert needed more reassurance than he'd been given.

"He's not out of the woods yet I'm afraid, his blood pressure dropped through the floor before, that's not a good sign where sepsis is concerned. I can't make you any promises all I can say is that everything that can be done will be done for him. Now about his family, isn't there anyone you should call?"

Robert shrugged, he didn't know what to do for the best, he didn't think Aaron would react very well on seeing his mother sat next to his bed, He wasn't even going to entertain the idea of letting Gordon know. But what about Paddy? He still didn't know what had happened between him and Aaron but whatever it was he felt sure Paddy would want to be here and that Aaron needed him here too. "I'll phone his step-dad, they've always been pretty close."

"Good. Well when you've done that you can pop in and see him. It'll be another half hour or so before they're ready for him in Intensive Care."

/

Aaron didn't look any worse but then he didn't look any better either. Robert sat watching his chest rise and fall, there was something very reassuring about that. Then sensing he was being watched, that Aaron was awake, he met his gaze, "You scared the crap out of me." Suddenly it was important Aaron know that.

"You're not scared of anything." Aaron said weakly.

"I'm scared of losing the people I care about, the people I..."

Aaron didn't want to hear it. He was tired of people saying they cared about him only then to go and hurt him. "There moving me upstairs, another step closer to heaven!"

"Don't talk like that!" Robert scolded, he might have laughed if it had been intended as a joke but he knew Aaron wasn't joking. "Aaron you've got to fight this..."

"Yeah." Aaron didn't want a pep talk he just wanted to be left alone."

"I mean it, and nothing like this can happen again. you have to stop cutting." The doctor had just promised to get Aaron the help he needed but he had to accept that help, he had to want it for himself.

"Yeah I know." Again he was just saying what Robert wanted to hear. He closed his eyes hoping Robert would take the hint and leave him alone.

Last night they had been so close, physically and emotionally, today Aaron felt out of reach again. Robert knew why of course, it was because of his 'encounter' with his parents. They hadn't talked about that yet, and with Aaron being so ill he wasn't sure he should make mention of it now. But how did he close the gaping hole his actions had opened up between them. Aaron had to let him in, he needed him, now more than ever. He was going to have to say something. "I'm sorry, for what happened in the restaurant. Well actually I'm not sorry for lamping the bastard, but I am sorry for... well I told you I wouldn't say anything but seeing them there, laughing, having a good time and knowing how much your were hurting I just lost it."

Aaron could understand that, it was the sort of thing he would do. Opening his eyes he turned to look at Robert, he'd told himself it didn't matter, that he didn't care, but despite that there was one thing he wanted to know, "Did my mum believe you?"

Robert hesitated briefly before saying, "No, I don't think she did." He didn't think he knew! Gordon had Chas believing his version of events within minutes.

Even though it was the answer he'd been expecting it still hurt, after all her promises she'd let him down again. He felt a tear trickle down his face, then Robert's hand brush against his cheek as he gently wiped it away. That one show of tenderness stirred his emotions, sent them spiralling out of his control. As more tears fell he unconsciously voiced his troubled haunted thoughts, "If she hadn't left us he wouldn't have hit me... he wouldn't have done 'that' to me!"

Robert hadn't missed the disgust in Aaron's voice, or the way he'd emphasised one word in particular. He'd known there was more to this, that Aaron was hiding something but surely he didn't mean his father had... 'No' Robert told himself he was reading too much into this wasn't he? Reaching for Aaron's hand he clasped it firmly in his and felt Aaron's fingers wrap trustingly around his own, and that's when he realised he couldn't question this. He had all the proof he needed right before his eyes... Aaron lying so ill, so lost...and in so much emotional pain.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Secrets Lies and Retribution

9

Aaron's tears continued to fall, trickling endlessly down his cheeks. Robert wanted to believe that they were a cleansing force, that they would help wash some of Aaron's pain away, but he new better than that. These tears were born out of an all consuming despair. Aaron didn't believe the nightmare would ever stop. The spectre that haunted him was either skulking in the background or taking centre stage just like now. The only way it would end, the only way Aaron would ever be free of the shadow it cast was to confront it, only then would it relinquish the hold it had over him.

Robert shifted over onto Aaron's bed, sitting as close to him as the tubes and wires attached to him would allow. Resting his hand against Aaron's cheek he gently caressed his tears away. Hoping he sounded more in control of his emotions than he felt he said softly, "Aaron, listen to me. What you just said about your dad, you can't keep it a secret any longer, it's killing you. You have to talk about it, to me if you can, but more importantly to someone who can help you..."

"What?" Aaron gazed questioningly up at Robert, what was he saying? With a sickening jolt he realised he had spoken his thoughts aloud. It was that stuff they had dripping into his arm, it was affecting his mind, spacing him out.

"What he did..."

"He hit me, and that's all he did!" Aaron insisted.

"No, that's not all..." Robert was struggling now, he was beginning to realise that he was out of his depth, and apart from that Aaron was so ill he shouldn't be getting worked up like this. Too late he realised he'd gone about this the wrong way, "We'll leave it for now, you have to rest..."

"No, I don't 'have to' do anything!" Aaron spat as panic rose in his chest, his secret might be out but he wasn't about to let it leave the room!

"Aaron please..." Robert paused looking to see who was now coming into the room. It was one of the nurses and she had a hospital porter with her.

"They're ready for you upstairs Aaron. We'll take you up and get you settled."

"No!" He wasn't going. He wanted out! In flight mode now he started to get out of bed, ignoring both the nurse's and Robert's pleas to stay put. Once on his feet Aaron started tugging at the drips and wires that were attached to him, shrugging off the two sets of hands trying to stop him. Next on his list was the nasal cannula feeding him a steady supply of oxygen, as he pulled that out and tossed it across the room he heard the nurse tell Robert that she was going to call the doctor. Well he couldn't physically stop him from leaving either.

Desperate now Robert got right in Aaron's face, "What are you doing, you won't even make it through the door!"

Determined to prove him wrong Aaron stepped around Robert on now trembling legs and started to look for his clothes.

"Mr Livesy!" Dr Yates' voice boomed from the doorway. "If you leave now then I can say with all certainty that you will die. I know that's not what you want so please. sit down and give some thought to what you're doing."

Aaron hadn't expected the doctor to say anything that would change his mind about leaving but just maybe he had. No, he didn't want to die, he just... he just wanted to get away from what scared him and right now that was the truth."

"Could you give us a little time alone." Robert beseeched the doctor, he was sure he could talk some sense into Aaron now, he was determined to.

Dr Yates nodded then gesturing at his watch said, "The sooner those drips are back in situ the better, they're the only things keeping him from an early grave."

Robert had been left in no doubt that time was of the essence right now, and as soon as the door had closed behind the doctor he took charge of the situation, steering Aaron over to his bed just like he had done the night before.

"You can't run from this any more Aaron. You have to face it head on and... you can talk to me. you can tell me anything, you know you can." At least he hoped Aaron could.

Blowing out a shaky breath Aaron nodded his head. Robert was probably the only person on earth he could tell, but where did he start? He wiped away a tear, one he promised would be the last he would shed because of his dad, "I'd almost convinced myself that it didn't happen. If you tell yourself something often enough you begin to believe it, you can almost change history." He'd more or less done that in his head, he had almost convinced himself that his dad wasn't such a bad guy, that he'd done his best for him. "Him coming back, seeing him again well, what's that they say about the scales falling from your eyes. They fell from mine that day and I saw him for the monster he was.

"He never... you know...he never touched me or made me touch him, there wasn't anything like that. I think it was a power thing, a form of control. It wasn't enough to have me cowering from his fists, he wanted to really show me who was boss...

"The first time he hit me, well that was the first time he... " He couldn't say the word, it stuck in his throat. "I'd broken the TV and he copped me a good-un right across the face. When I picked myself up I ran up to my room. I could hear him calling after me, telling me to get back downstairs, but I ignored him. That made him all the more angry. He followed me up, came into my room. I thought he was going to hit me again. He started undoing his belt and for a minute I thought he was going to use that on me but no.

"He held me down, pressed my face into a pillow when I started screaming. When he was... he told me that was the way bad boys were punished. When it was finally over he told me to stop crying, to man up. I couldn't though, it hurt... it hurt more than any beating he ever gave me.

"He's why I beat Paddy up that night! He was telling me it was ok to be gay but I knew it couldn't be. That I was only that way because of what my dad had done to me. See I'd always known that what he'd done was wrong, and I believed if that was wrong then me being with any man was too.

"I know now that I should have told someone but at the time I was too ashamed and I didn't think anyone would believe me. Not even Sandra knew what was going on and we lived under the same roof. The thing is, people like him, he's a charmer, he could talk his way out of anything. And I didn't want to get him into trouble, I had this I suppose warped idea that I owed him something, for sticking around, for not leaving me like my mum did. I could have run away at any time, I thought about it but I didn't have the balls. I could have fought back especially when I got older, I didn't. I let it happen."

"No. You were just a kid..."

"Yeah,"

"None of this was your fault!"

"No I know."

"No, I don't think you do." Robert knew Aaron was going to have to have professional help before he truly did believe that.

"He... there were..." Aaron heaved a fortifying sigh "four times in-all, and I know it would have happened again if I hadn't grown nearly as big as him. I think he realised he'd had his day, plus I was becoming an embarrassment. I was getting into trouble in school, getting brought home by the police. He didn't want his friends or neighbours to think he had a yob for a son, so he threw me out, washed his hands of me, and put as much distance as he could between him and his dirty little secret.

"And that's about it." There wasn't much else he could say. He wasn't feeling any better for the telling of it either.

Aaron's emotionless delivery of such shocking events worried Robert, he was an emotional person by nature but he was too in control here. He was still distancing himself from the truth, that had to stop, "What did he do to you?"

Aaron eyed Robert in disbelief, "I just told you."

"What did he do? Tell me what he did?" Robert pushed

"He hurt me."

"How Aaron, what did he do?"

"He... " he just couldn't get that awful word past his lips.

Forcing Aaron to make eye contact with him Robert asked again, "Aaron, what did he do to you?"

"He... he raped me."

After the words had come a heart-wrenching sob, then the tears had begun to flow. Robert wrapped Aaron in his arms and held him while he cried, his own tears falling freely as he made a silent promise to himself, 'One way or another Gordon Livesy was going to pay for what he'd done.'

tbc


	10. Chapter 10

Secrets Lies and Retribution

10

It was just after midnight, technically the start of a brand new day. Robert hoped it would be a lot less traumatic than the previous one.

Right now he was sitting in the Intensive Care's waiting room, sipping on a coffee. It was steaming hot and as he had added three sachets of sugar it was especially sweet too. He was hoping that small dose of energy would help recharge his batteries. He was exhausted both physically and emotionally, it really had been a gruelling day.

His heart broke for Aaron, he wished he could make everything right for him, make the horrors in his past just disappear. But wishing had always been a futile exercise. Sitting here on his own, in the peace and quiet of an empty room, he was starting to realise the enormity of the situation, knew the repercussions could prove endless. He wasn't going to dwell on that now though.

Aaron was safely tucked up in bed, his earlier escape bid hadn't gone unpunished, his temperature had climbed a little, his blood pressure had dropped a little, still he was classed as stable at the moment and Robert was taking some comfort from that. He was now asleep, one of his medications apparently had a sedative effect and it had kicked in about an hour ago. Up until then Aaron had just been dosing, the least sound waking him up. Knowing he was finally settled Robert had stepped outside the hi-tech environment, he didn't like it, it reminded him too much of his own brush with death. He'd been in need of a toilet break and even more in need of some caffeine. In fact he could have done with a shot of whisky right now, Paddy was due to arrive at any minute and he wasn't looking forward to a face to face meeting with him.

Robert had had trouble getting hold of Paddy. Having discretely getting his number off Aaron's phone, he'd rang him but it had continuously gone to voice mail. Wherever he was he was out of signal range. Paddy had answered eventually, and he'd kept his message brief saying Aaron was in Hotten General's casualty department and that he needed him there. He'd also asked him to keep it to himself, he could only hope Paddy would honour his request and not bring Aaron's whereabouts to the attention of anyone else. Aaron was still insisting no one know about his admission to hospital. Casualty staff would send Paddy up here and he would tell him what he could then.

Robert had left the waiting room door open and through it he could see the lift doors, it was making its way up to his floor now and he guessed it was Paddy arriving. As the doors opened he got to his feet ready to greet the other man.

"Is he alright? Why's he here? Has he had an accident or something?" Paddy demanded as he hurried over to Robert.

Robert could hear the dread in Paddy's voice, knew he had to reassure him, "He's doing ok."

"Right. Well that's good, but that doesn't tell me why he's in Intensive Care."

"It'll probably only be overnight," Robert gestured to a chair, knowing this was a sitting down kind of conversation.

"Well?" Paddy demanded as he dropped into a chair opposite Robert.

"He's started cutting again, and he's developed sepsis."

"Sepsis!" Paddy was shocked, being a vet he knew how dangerous a medical condition that was. He knew all about the complications that could arise if not treated early enough, the main one being multiple organ failure... and death! "You said he was doing ok so why does he need to be here?" Intensive Care beds were reserved for the desperately ill, those needing highly specialized care, just how ill was Aaron?

"Apparently there was a bed available and to use the doctor's exact words 'its more a precautionary move than a necessity.'

Paddy felt a bit happier on hearing that but was soon hit by a wave of despair, "I had no idea he was self-harming again, I knew there was something wrong, he hasn't been himself not since, well not since his dad turned up. Has it got anything to do with him?"

"It's got everything to do with him!" Robert hadn't been able to keep the anger out of his voice and knew Paddy had picked up on it.

"What's he said?" Paddy demanded, Robert's reaction told him that whatever was going on it was something he should know about.

"That's got to come from him." He could so easily have told Paddy, Aaron desperately needed his understanding and support right now. He could do with some guidance himself for that matter.

Paddy nodded, Robert was right, it wasn't for him to tell him. "So how is he, really?" He was in need of reassurance again.

"Obviously he's pretty ill still, but the antibiotics are doing their job, he is getting better."

"I want to see him." Paddy knew setting eyes on the lad was the only thing that would ease his mind."

"Yeah, but before you go in. He doesn't want anyone knowing he's here, and he doesn't know I've called you. I know you had a bit of a fallout, Aaron was really torn up about it. I don't know the details, I just know you should be here."

"Thanks." Paddy really appreciated that of Robert. Suddenly remembering about Chas Paddy asked, "What about his mother, she should know?"

"No, he doesn't want her here Paddy, he's adamant about that. He's even told the nurse not to let her in should she turn up."

"Right." Paddy wasn't sure what to make of that, although he had warned Chas about Aaron's feelings where his dad was concerned. Chas seemed to have brushed them to one side. Still she couldn't brush aside her son's current state of health so easily. She wasn't his concern right now, Aaron was and he wanted desperately to see him. "That door there is it?"

"Yeah just knock on it, I told the nurse you were coming. It's just one visitor to a bed at night so I'll wait outside."

Robert breathed a sigh of relief as Paddy disappeared from view. It had gone better than expected, they had been more than civil to each other, it was like nothing had happened between them, hopefully it would stay that way for Aaron's sake.

/

Aaron opened his eyes to see Paddy sitting beside him, he could see the concern in his eyes, the love he had for him there. He'd been so angry with him the last time he'd seen him, he'd been so hostile had said some horrible things. He was regretting them now though but knew Paddy had already forgiven him, but had he forgiven him for betraying him? Well he was here wasn't he!

"How you feeling?"

"Better" He wasn't really but he didn't want to give Paddy any more reason to worry about him.

Paddy was smiling at him now and once again Aaron's emotions surged to the for. "Why couldn't you have been my dad?"

"I am." Paddy insisted catching hold of Aaron's hand and squeezing it reassuringly, "In all the ways that matter." He was really concerned now about Gordon's Livesy's part in all of this.

"Yeah." How could he have forgotten that?

"I'm always here for you Aaron, always. You could have come to me, whatever it is that's started you self-harming again, you could have come to me about it."

"I know but..." Aaron's voice trailed off, how to explain to Paddy without giving anything away.

"But what?"

"Can you drop it for now Paddy, I'm not ready to talk about it yet."

"Well as soon as you are ready you come find me, ok?"

Aaron nodded, although he couldn't see that day coming any time soon. There was something else he wanted to say to Paddy maybe now was the right time. "I know you hate Robert."

"I don't hate him. I hate what he did to you, the fact that he hurt you."

"He's been so good with me, more than good. If me and him, if we..."

"Is it looking that way?"

"Yeah. Paddy give him a chance please." Aaron begged, this was so important to him.

Paddy's initial reaction was to say no, noway. But with him being so ill it was proving impossible to dash Aaron's hopes, "Ok, but he's going to have to prove himself where you're concerned and if he does then I'll be ok with it. Now how about you get some sleep."

Aaron closed his eyes obediently knowing he had one less thing to worry about

/

Once again Robert got to his feet on seeing Paddy approaching, "Did he wake up?" He hoped Aaron had been aware of Paddy's presence even if they hadn't got to speak at any great length. He was taken aback when Paddy invaded his space and pointed a warning finger at his face.

"You hurt that boy again, in anyway and I'll have yer! You'll rue the day you were born!"

Standing his ground and fighting down the urge to slap Paddy's finger out of his face Robert said "I'm not going to.. I love him."

Paddy was thrown by Robert's admission even more so on realising the sincerity in which his words had been spoken. Still he wasn't going to back down, "We'll see!" He retorted before turning around to head towards the lift.

Robert dropped back into his chair, he couldn't believe he'd just said that to Paddy. Not that it wasn't true because it was, he did love Aaron, but it was him he should be telling not Paddy. Had Aaron mentioned something to Paddy about the two of them or had Paddy just put two and two together? Either way it didn't matter, he was looking at this as a positive step. If the two of them did get back together they really needed Paddy to be onside.

/

It was almost 7am, and Aaron had just woken up from a deep and restful sleep. Robert thought he looked a lot better this morning and the nurse had not long since told him Aaron's vital signs were looking healthier too. Knowing that he was going to go home for a bit. "I'll have a shower maybe get my head down for a couple of hours. Then I'll head back here."

"You don't have to." Aaron was sure Robert had other things he needed to do.

"It's not a matter of having to, I want to. Do you want me to bring anything in?"

"Something fizzy and I don't mean sherbet! Coke or something." His mouth was so dry and hospital tea just wasn't satisfying his thirst."

"Ok, something fizzy it is then." Getting to his feet Robert's gaze moved to one of the monitors, suddenly leaving Aaron didn't seem like a good idea. "You going to be ok?"

"Yeah, fine." He'd probably sleep most of the day if he didn't have any distractions, he just felt so tired all the time."

Somewhat reassured Robert said "You are going to behave aren't you?" He was making reference to yesterdays show of rebellion on Aaron's part. he was teasing and hoped Aaron saw his comment for what it was.

"If I must." Aaron grinned."

"Yeah you must!" Robert grinned back enjoying the light hearted banter. "I'll be off then."

"Ok."

Ten seconds later Robert was still standing there looking down at Aaron, he wasn't happy about leaving him but it wasn't that preventing his feet from moving. It was something else entirely, something he was longing to do, something he felt he should do before leaving. He just wasn't sure about his timing.

"What?" Aaron asked, mystified by the way Robert was hovering over him.

Robert decided to go with his heart and leant down dropping a gentle kiss on Aaron's lips. It felt right, it felt good and seeing a smile spread across Aaron's face he knew he felt the same way too.

tbc


	11. Chapter 11

Secrets Lies and Retribution

11

Robert yawned wearily, he was still tired. He'd only slept for about two hours, but that was going to have to be enough shut-eye, he wanted to get back to Aaron. He was on his second mug of coffee, and as soon as he'd finished it he planned on going to the café to get the fizzy drinks Aaron wanted. Next stop would be town he needed a few things from there too.

Hearing a knock on the front door he went to answer it, and was surprised to see who was standing there. "Paddy?"

"I saw your car." Paddy said before sidling past Robert and striding into the living room.

Robert followed on behind wondering what Paddy wanted, he seemed quite agitated, he hadn't come to give him more grief about Aaron had he?

"I've just seen Chas." He'd gone in the pub for a lunchtime drink, and she had called him into the back room.

"You didn't say anything about Aaron?"

"No of course I didn't, but she had plenty to say to me. She told me what happened between you and Gordon and why!"

Robert was surprised to hear that, he'd thought Chas would want to keep it from Paddy. But he supposed that with a little more thought on the matter he would have realised Chas would expect his support on this. "She doesn't believe it but you do don't you?" Paddy had better give him the right answer to that question.

"If Aaron said it happened then it did, he wouldn't lie about something like that and it explains so much. That explosive temper of his, his lashing out when he feels cornered or trapped." Paddy sank down onto the sofa, he suddenly felt physically sick. He couldn't bare to think of Aaron suffering at the hands of his own father, at the hands of anyone for that matter. "I used to think it was strange, he never talked about his dad, wouldn't talk about him. He never showed any emotion if he was ever mentioned. It just didn't feel right to me. Chas had always said he was a good dad, that he and Aaron were 'the best of mates', I couldn't see that, a good dad wouldn't just turn his back on him like that, no matter what he'd done."

"No."

"So the self harming it's all to do with that?" 'Stupid question!' Paddy lambasted himself. Of course it was, it had to be.

Robert hesitated before saying "Yeah." It had to have played its part but it wasn't the true cause, that was much more horrific. Robert's conscience was telling him Paddy needed to know everything, how could he help Aaron through this if he didn't know all the facts. It was proving incredibly difficult to keep Aaron's secret.

Paddy looked dazed, like he'd been delivered a physical blow, Robert got up to get him a glass of water, as he turned on the tap someone started banging on the door. Thinking something was wrong he hurried to open it, only to find Chas there.

"Is he here?"

"Who?"

"Aaron. Is he here." Chas' voice soared in irritation, Robert knew damn well who she was talking about.

"No he's not." Believing that to be the end of the matter Robert started to close the door in Chas' face.

"Liar!" Chas yelled, pushing past Robert and making her way into the house, calling out her son's names as she did so.

"Get out." Robert demanded angrily, his patience was fast running out.

Pointing a finger in Paddy's direction Chas said, "How come he's here if Aaron isn't?" Chas had seen Paddy knocking on Victoria's door and had put two and two together. Aaron was bunked up with Robert again, and as he was nowhere else to be found he had to be here.

"You're not making sense." At least not to Robert she wasn't.

"Well Paddy's not here to see you is he? He wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire! No he's come to see Aaron, to listen to his lies for himself."

"He's not lying Chas." Paddy said as he got his feet, he had just had this out with her over at the pub, had nothing he said to her sunk in?

"Paddy I know Gordon, I was married to him for nine years. In all that time he never once raised a hand to him."

"You know Aaron..."

"Exactly! I know how good a liar he is. Have you forgotten how he lied to us both about seeing this weasel here, he's seeing him now behind our backs."

"But he's not lying about this, I know he's not!"

"I know why you're so keen to believe him. You don't want Aaron to make up with his dad, you're jealous! You're scared he'll come between you and Aaron. Well he's not your son Paddy, he's Gordon's, and blood is thicker than water so they will work this out. I just need to talk to him Paddy, get him to see sense..."

"Get him to see sense?" Robert's temper flared dangerously "You mean have him back down, take back his words, hide the truth just so you can happy. What a selfish bitch you are! Get out before I throw you out." Robert was livid and right now more than capable of carrying out his threat.

Chas turned to look at Robert, at the person she blamed for all the upset, "Gordon should have reported you to the police,..."

"You should be asking yourself why he didn't."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's obvious, he's scared the truth will come out... and it will, I'm going to make damn sure of that."

Chas attention moved back to Paddy, "Can't you see what he's doing? He's trying to drive a wedge between me and Aaron..."

"You're the one doing that. Now go home, calm down and give what Aaron's said some real thought, please Chas." Paddy pleaded.

After giving a hate filled look in Robert's direction Chas turned on her heels and stormed outside slamming the door behind her.

Meeting Robert's gaze Paddy said, "We have to persuade Aaron to talk to her, I think when she hears it from him she'll..."

"You didn't need to hear it from him to believe it happened!" Robert retorted, "But you're right, he does need to talk to her, she has to realise he's not going to accept his dad back in his life, not ever."

/

The nurse had told him they needed his bed for someone who was critically ill, that he was being moved to a side room on one of the medical wards. Aaron was happy with that. He preferred being on his own, he wouldn't have to make small talk with other patients and there was no chance of any one asking "What you in for?"

He'd been pleased to find he had a telly in his new room, that would help pass the hours or it would when he was able to buy the card he needed to make it work. He'd rang Robert, asked him to bring his wallet in, that's when Robert had told him Paddy knew about the physical abuse, and that he was on his way in to see him.

He was dreading it, he didn't want to talk about it in case he let something slip like he had with Robert. He started on hearing the door open, then struggled to meet Paddy's gaze.

"Hey feller!"

"Paddy!"

An awkward silence had now fallen, the past suddenly coming between them. He hadn't known what to do about it, but Paddy, like every time before when they had hit a wall did, he walked over to his bed, sat down beside him and pulled him into a hug.

/

"Here" Robert said, dropping a bag onto Aaron's bed "Don't say I never buy you anything."

Aaron picked up the bag and removed its contents, eyeing them in disbelief. It was a pair of flannelette pyjamas, red polka dot ones.

"That is your size isn't it"

"Yeah but..." He couldn't wear them, they were horrendous. "They're like something Sandy would wear!" Then again maybe not, Sandy had better taste than that.

"Really! Robert said reaching into another bag for something a lot more appropriate in the sleep wear department, placing them in Aaron's hands he asked, "They any better?"

Aaron grinned, "Yeah" It seemed Robert was having a bit of fun at his expense, "Thanks."

"Well we couldn't have you walking around in that gown as becoming as it is. Not really designed to keep ones dangly bits under wraps now are they!"

Aaron laughed, Robert always could make him laugh.

Handing Aaron the cans he'd been wanting Robert decided to move onto a more important issue, "So how did it go with Paddy?"

"Good" Paddy hadn't stayed all that long he hadn't needed to, that bear hug of his had said more than any words could.

"You should tell him everything Aaron."

"No!" The idea horrified him, he'd realised earlier that it wasn't that he couldn't tell him, he knew the words would come. It was the fact the knowledge would crucify Paddy. He couldn't hurt him in that way. "He doesn't need to know and he's never to find out."

/

Gordon Livesy sat in his car looking over at the entrance to Hotton General. He'd spent a lot of time there recently and it was relief to know he wouldn't have to come again for quite a few months. He had just seen his specialist, had been told he would get a letter through the post when his first check up was due. He could start to live again now, and things were certainly looking up, he was back with Chas, he had no money worries. The only fly in the ointment was his son, well he wasn't going to let Aaron spoil things for him. He was about to start his car when someone caught his attention, 'Well fancy seeing him here.' Gordon thought on seeing Robert Sugdan walking towards the hospital entrance, if he'd have arrived five minutes sooner they'd have bumped into each other. 'that would have proved interesting.' Even more interesting was that Paddy had just walked out of the hospital and the two of them were now talking to each other. Gordon had been under the impression there was no love lost between the two of them, that they kept their distance, but there they were having a lengthy conversation. The only thing those two had in common was Aaron. That thought roused his suspicions, Aaron wasn't in hospital was he? It was possible he supposed, Chas had no idea where he was right now and she had said he looked a little off colour the other day. No it had to be a coincidence surely? Telling himself it was he started his car, he'd only driven a few feet when his suspicions got the better of him. There was one way he could find out if Aaron was indeed an inpatient? Picking up his phone he dialled the hospital number and asked for Admissions, and the Admissions Office had been very helpful, according to them Aaron Livesy was now on Ward 4.

What was he going to do with that information? He wasn't sure yet, he'd sit and think about it. He could tell Chas, score a few more Brownie points for finding her errant son. Chas was desperate to talk to him, but he was going to have to have a quiet word with him first.

Gordon had sat there for over an hour waiting for Robert to leave, and as soon as he'd driven off he'd got out of his car.

/

Aaron was staring at the tv screen but he wasn't absorbing anything, his mind was on other things. Paddy's visit for one and the way Robert had kissed him before leaving earlier, especially on the way Robert had kissed him. It was different to all the times before, there was no passion in it or lust even. A hospital wasn't the right place for a full on snog. No this was with a real depth of feeling, with tenderness.. with love. But he was struggling with that concept, did Robert love him? He was beginning to think he actually did. He closed his eyes, suddenly tired. He had no reason to be, all he'd done today was walk to the toilet and back a few times. It was a matter of feet away but he'd climbed back into bed feeling like he'd run a marathon. He'd heard the expression 'as weak as a kitten' he knew exactly what that meant now.

He was just dropping off to sleep when he heard his door open, he opened his eyes and was shocked to see his dad standing there.

"Hello son."

"What do you want?" Aaron was filled with a terrible sense of unease. he didn't like the way his dad was looking at him.

"That's not the way to talk to your dad now is it."

There was a menacing tone in his father's voice, one that completely unnerved Aaron, it left him feeling so very vulnerable. Reaching for his call bell he found he had to roll onto his side to grasp it, as he did so he felt his fathers hands on him, vice like and cruel. He struggled against them but he was so very weak and he was soon overpowered.

He was being held down, his face pressed into the pillows to muffle any sound he might make. Panic rose up from his belly causing his heart to thunder painfully in chest, then above the roaring in his ears he heard his father's voice.

"You've been running your mouth off Aaron. That's got to stop. Do you understand?"

Aaron could barely breath let alone speak, but in desperation he managed to force out "Yes"

It seemed like forever before the unbearable weight shifted from him, before he could move, before he could breath again. But only when he heard the door shut behind his father did he let his tears fall.

tbc


	12. Chapter 12

Secrets Lies and Retribution

12

Robert was feeling guilty about not having seen Diane for a day or two, so on getting back from the hospital he went straight over to the pub. He knew Chas would be there, at least he hoped she was, Gordon too, he wanted his presence to be felt. The pub was fairly busy and both Chas and Doug were behind the bar, but there was no sign of his stepmother.

Ignoring Chas, Robert smiled in Doug's direction and asked, "Is Diane here?"

"She's having her nails done, she won't be long."

"I'll go through and wait then," Robert could feel Chas' eyes on him, feel them burning into his back. He wasn't surprised when just a minute or two later she appeared in the living room closing the door behind her.

"You know where Aaron is don't you?"

"Of course I do." Robert said smugly.

"He's ok isn't he?" She was worried about him, and about the rift between them.

"Like you care!" Robert challenged, from what he could see Aaron wasn't at the top of her list of priorities right now, Gordon was.

"Of course I care he's my son, but he's got to realise he can't pick and choose who I see. He was the same with Paddy at first, he didn't like me being with him, he hated Carl, he caused all sorts of trouble between us, and that's exactly what he's doing now."

"No! That's not what he's doing, and if you'd just open your eyes you'd see there was more to this, a lot more!"

"I've asked him why he's so against me and his dad getting back together, and all he said was he didn't trust him. That was the best he could come up with. Then, when he found out I was seeing him again he suddenly starts accusing Gordon of beating him. Where's that come from? The anger he feels towards his dad for kicking him out, that's where! Aaron's always been good at holding a grudge, believe me I know."

"You don't know your son at all, if you did you wouldn't question what he's said about Gordon. Paddy doesn't."

"Yeah well Aaron's always been able to pull the wool over Paddy's eyes."

"Paddy's always had his back, he's always put him first, don't you think it's time you did the same."

"How dare you! After the way you've treated him you have no right questioning my relationship with Aaron. You need to stop interfering, you need to back off, this is between him me and his dad."

"He wants nothing to do with him or with you for that matter, not as long as you're cosying up to him."

"Aaron's just going to have to accept we're together, Gordon's going nowhere!" Chas proclaimed before yanking the door open and flouncing through it.

"Oh but he is!" Robert voiced his thoughts to the empty room, "And he won't ever be coming back."

/

Aaron had given into his emotions, he'd been overwhelmed by them, but not for long. He'd told himself to stop crying, to stop shaking... to man up! He wasn't a little boy any more, he'd been helpless against his father back then, and ok, he was today, but his father had got lucky. He'd taken advantage of the situation, and Aaron told himself it wouldn't happen again.

He'd been so scared, terrified of what his father would do to him, memories had come flooding back, the pain, the fear, the self disgust. His dad had wanted to silence him, scare him into keeping his mouth shut, just like he had done sixteen years ago. Was it really that long ago? The memory of it was so fresh, so clear, so vivid, just like the nightmares he used to have about it. He would wake up in a cold sweat with tears streaming from his eyes. The nightmares had stopped a few months after he'd moved in with Paddy, he supposed it was because he felt safe there. No matter how angry Paddy was with him he'd never hit him. Paddy had said to him once that things would have been different if he'd been his dad, that he'd have been different, Paddy would never know just how true that was. Paddy had been the one true thing in his life, he'd given him a stable loving home. If only his mum had loved Paddy, there would have been no Carl, no Cameron and she would never have given his dad another go. Why did she always go for the nut-jobs?

Aaron's first thought had been to run. To get as far away as he could from his father. But then he'd remembered he'd be leaving the people he cared about behind him too. He'd done that before, when he'd gone to France. He'd had no one to turn to when things went wrong with Ed, no real friends, no family. He'd been all alone and he'd hated it, thats why he'd come back. Big mistake that was! He'd walked slap bang into trouble! And it had only got worse from there. He'd brought it on himself of course, he always did. But things had started to settle down of late and he was happy here in Emmerdale, or was until he'd seen his dad get out of that taxi! And id he was sticking around then he couldn't.

It seemed he really did have only the one option and that was to leave. There was just no way he could stay with that sick bastard around. He couldn't bear to be near him. When he'd felt his hands on him before he'd wanted to throw up. If he stayed he'd see him each and every day, they'd be under the same roof again! He couldn't do it, wouldn't do it. Why couldn't his dad have just died? Why couldn't the cancer have dragged him kicking and screaming to his grave? He knew it was an awful thing to say but he meant it, he hated his dad that much.

Somewhere, out of that dark thought grew something even darker. There was another way of ridding his dad from his life, a way to permanently remove him. But could he actually do it? He'd taken a life before hadn't he? Jackson's! If he could kill someone he loved with all his heart then surely he could kill someone he detested?

/

Robert knew something was wrong the minute he walked into Aaron's room, he had smiled at him and greeted him cheerily, all he'd got back in return was a barely audible "Hi"

"You ok?" Robert asked hoping for some insight into Aaron's mood.

"Yeah fine"

Aaron was anything but fine but Robert didn't think he should push him on it at the moment. As he sat down beside Aaron's bed he spotted his barely touched evening meal, "You didn't eat much?"

"I wasn't hungry"

"Aaron if you don't eat you wont get your strength back."

"I said I wasn't hungry!" Aaron snapped back angrily.

"Alright! Keep your hair on!" Robert snapped right back at Aaron, regretting it instantly, "How about I go outside and come back in and we start this conversation again?"

"How about you just go home!"

"You know that's sound like a good idea right now. What the hell's got into you. Have I done something?"

"No." Aaron conceded, Robert wasn't responsible for his black mood but he was taking it out on him.

"Then what is it?"

"Nothing..." He couldn't tell Robert about his dad's visit, about what he'd done, he was scared of how he would react. He didn't want him going after him and he was sure he would. "I'm just tired."

"I don't believe you, it's more than that." He could read Aaron like a book.

"No. Like I said I'm just tired."

"Then maybe I should go, let you get some sleep?"

"Yeah." It was probably a good idea the mood he was in.

Robert hadn't expected Aaron to agree so readily, "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Ok." Aaron closed his eyes wishing he could just fall sleep, he wanted to escape his thoughts.

There'd been no kiss this time, Robert had just got to his feet and walked out of the room. As he passed the Nurse's Station he stopped to have a word with the Ward Sister. "Aaron seems really tired, a bit off, he is ok isn't he."

"Yes he'd doing really well." Sister Moore replied adding "It could be all the visitors he's had today, it can be quite exhausting when you're ill."

"All? Its just been me and his step-dad, and we didn't stay long."

"There was another gentleman here earlier." Turning to a colleague Sister Moore said, "Sue, who was that man who called to see Aaron?"

Roberts gaze moved to the other nurse, at a loss as to who else could have visited Aaron, no one else knew he was here.

"He said he was Aaron's dad."

Robert's blood ran cold. Turning on his heels he stalked back into Aaron's room.

tbc


	13. Chapter 13

Secrets Lies and Retribution

13

Robert was sitting watching Aaron sleep. Seeing him at peace was proving more than a little comforting, and he was in need of that kind of solace right now. It was late, visiting hours long since over, but he'd been loath to leave Aaron after what had happened today. He felt guilty for not being here when Aaron had needed him, for not being able to protect him from the abomination that was his father.

He'd been stunned by what the nurse had told him, had told himself she had got it wrong, that she had made a mistake, that Aaron would have told him if his dad had been there. But the nurse hadn't made a mistake and Aaron had kept it from him, and he would probably never have told him if he hadn't challenged him on it.

At first Aaron had played it down, said his father had just warned him off, told him to keep his mouth shut. But he had known Aaron wasn't telling him everything, he could always tell when he was holding stuff back, so he had pushed and pushed him on it, and eventually Aaron had broken down and the truth had come pouring out.

He had struggled with his own emotions, had had to quash his sense of outrage, and he'd done that by telling himself Gordon Livesy was living on borrowed time.

Aaron had made him promise to keep his fists to himself on seeing his dad, but he wasn't sure he could keep that promise. Just thinking about the bastard left him seething inside.

He still hadn't figured out how Gordon knew where Aaron was, but a quiet word with Sister Moore had ensured he wouldn't gain access to him again.

When the initial disquiet had worn off, when they were both thinking a bit more rationally, he had suggested that Aaron get away for a few days once he was discharged from hospital. Aaron hadn't needed much persuading. The thought of getting away from the village and avoiding any chance of seeing his dad being the selling point. Then he'd shyly asked him if he was going with him, his reply being "Of course I am."

Aaron needed to be separated from the turmoil that his life had become, he needed a time out so he could decide on his next move. Things couldn't stay as they were.

Robert knew it was selfish of him but he wanted that bit of time alone with Aaron, he wanted to be able to build on these last couple of days. This was a new beginning and he was determined not to let Aaron slip through his fingers again, he was going to hold onto him this time. This time it was for keeps.

When you come so close to losing someone, when you see them lying at death's door. It somehow brings everything you feel for them to the surface. You can't deny the truth any more, you can't hide it you can't bury it, all you can do is own it.

It was time, Robert decided, to go home. Aaron didn't want to wake up and find him sitting there, he didn't like all this cloying concern. Robert supposed it was a little suffocating but considering everything he felt it was justified. Easing himself up from the bedside chair he let his gaze wander over Aaron's face, he didn't want to wake him but again it didn't feel right just walking away. He moved closer, stooping down he whispered softly in Aaron's ear "I love you, I always have."

/

It wasn't visiting time yet but Paddy had a diary full of appointments, and was on call from 5pm. Having explained all that to the Nurse-in-Charge she had let him in to see Aaron.

"Where are you going to go when you're discharged?"

Aaron shrugged, he hadn't thought about that, well he knew he'd be going somewhere with Robert for a few days but after that he had no idea. He just knew it wouldn't be back to the Woolpack, not as things stood anyway.

"Then you're coming to stay with me."

"Paddy there's no room." He didn't mind sleeping on the sofa the odd night but it wasn't ideal, he'd just be in the way. And anyway he wasn't sure he could look Rhona in the eye now, not knowing what he did about Paddy not to mention the fact he'd almost scuppered their plans to adopt. It seemed his second chat with the Social Worker hadn't done all that much damage in the end, it was back on. He was still angry with Paddy over what he'd done, was still doing! But he'd decided to keep his nose out and hope Paddy came to his senses before it was too late. And he supposed it was a bit hypocritical of him, he'd had an affair with a married man, broke up that marriage, breaking Chrissie's heart in the process.

"Of course there is I'll make room. We don't use that far room do we, I'll turn it into another bedroom."

"Not for me you won't. Don't worry, I'll sort something."

"You mean you'll move in with Robert?"

"No, well yeah maybe I will, I don't know yet. It's still early days."

"Exactly and after everything he's done can you really trust him Aaron?"

"Yes I can. He's changed Paddy, no not changed he's... he's just being himself." The real Robert was shining through. "You said you'd give him a chance!"

"And I am. And I can see a difference in him." Paddy admitted albeit reluctantly. "All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy and if being with him is what it takes then get on with it. It's just hard to leave everything he did in the past."

"I know." Aaron knew all about holding on to the past, he still carried his around with him. "It's a lot to ask I know but you won't regret it."

"No." Paddy still had plenty of doubts but he was going to have to keep them to himself. Checking his watch he said, "Before I go, I want to talk to you about your Mum."

"Well I don't want to talk about her."

"Well you're going to have to and we're going to do it now!"

Aaron sighed inwardly, Paddy had that 'I'm taking no nonsense from you' tone in his voice. How many times had he heard that before? It had always worked, and it was now too.

"I know you're angry with her and you've got every right to be but you can't give up on her."

"She doesn't believe me Paddy."

"Well she's not heard it from you has she? She's had it second hand from someone she hates. I know if the two of you sat down together and you told her yourself ..."

"No!"

"Why?"

"I just can't, not yet anyway." He was so scared he'd end up telling his mum everything, that it would all come gushing out. He needed some time to get his head together, he daren't speak to her until he had.

"But you will?"

"Yeah." He would give her one more chance and if she let him down again then it really would be the end where they were concerned.

/

Aaron couldn't quite believe he was finally leaving hospital, he'd been in five days but it seemed a lot longer. Robert was picking him up and what happened after that was a mystery. He was nervous about it, how things would go between them. It was no ordinary weekend break now was it? He was running away from his problems again, albeit temporarily.

What if something went wrong? What if they argued? What if... that was enough of the what ifs! It was just that he felt in need of some reassurance, he didn't want it to end in disaster.

He was restless, clock watching, eager to be on his way. He was dressed, his stuff packed and his antibiotics had just come up from the pharmacy. Sister Moore had drummed the importance of finishing the course into him before wishing him well. He'd thanked her, he really was grateful for all they'd done for him, for saving his life as unworthy as he thought he was at times.

Robert had been told to come at eleven and it was now half ten, he wasn't particularly punctual but Aaron hoped he would arrive on time. He told himself if he was late, it was because the few days away together didn't mean as much to Robert as they did to him. But if he was early then that proved how much he cared. He knew it was a ridiculous notion but still he'd looked expectantly over at the door when it had opened just seconds later. He'd been left disappointed on seeing a nurse , even though she was bringing him a mid-morning cuppa.

As he sipped on his tea the door had opened again, he was expecting to see the nurse this time, thinking she'd returned with some biscuits, they always had some this time of day.

But it wasn't the nurse it was Robert, Aaron looked at the clock, he was twenty minutes early, that was a good sign, wasn't it?

"You ready?"

Aaron could hear the excitement in Robert's voice, he could see it shining in his eyes. "Yeah, more than ready!"

tbc


	14. Chapter 14

Secrets Lies and Retribution

14

Whitby held such bittersweet memories for Aaron, he'd come here with Jackson, Hazel too of course. And now he was here with Robert! Of all the places they could have gone to they had ended up here. Robert wasn't to know of course, how could he? He hadn't told him everything about his time with Jackson.

It was his own fault, he'd told Robert he didn't mind where he went as long as it wasn't anywhere far, he just wanted to be somewhere he could chill out, someplace by the sea maybe. There were umpteen seaside resorts in Yorkshire, Scarborough for one, Bridlington was another nice one. It had never occurred to him that Robert would choose Whitby.

They were now in the process of looking for the holiday cottage Robert had booked for them. The narrow road they were travelling down seemed endless and Aaron was beginning to think they were lost, that the satnav was faulty.

"There, that's it!" Robert said pointing through a gap in the hedgerow.

"It looks nice." Aaron responded. It did too, and he especially liked the fact it was set on its own, that there were no other properties for miles. As they drew closer to the cottage Aaron realised it had a spectacular view of the harbour and beyond.

Robert had suggested they take a quick look around before unloading the car and Aaron had followed on behind him, as eager as Robert was to check the place out.

"Now the key should be..." Robert paused as he lifted up a plant pot that was situated near to the door "..and it is!" He held the key aloft before putting it to its purpose.

'Wow!' Aaron thought on stepping inside, he hadn't expected something as posh as this. It had a spacious, ultra modern design, and it oozed quality and class.

"What do you think?" Robert eyed Aaron expectantly.

"I think you've got money than sense!" Aaron joked, Robert had insisted on paying for the trip, Aaron knew why now, there was no way he could afford to splash out on a place like this, "Yeah I like it. I could get used to living like this."

Robert laughed, according to the website this was a four star luxury cottage, and what he'd seen of it so far didn't disappoint. "I saw a few I liked but this won hands down. There's no chance of anyone knocking on our door wanting to borrow some sugar." Yes he liked the privacy it offered, they could forget all about the outside world here, at least he hoped Aaron could. "Right. I'm going to get our stuff out of the car."

"I'll help."

"No you won't you're supposed to be resting."

As Aaron opened his mouth to protest Robert said "Why don't you go choose which bedroom you want."

'Which bedroom?' Aaron thought to himself as he looked over at the ornate spiral staircase that led up to the first floor. 'Wouldn't they be sharing a bedroom?'

Aaron found that both bedrooms boasted King sized beds, he didn't think it would matter which one he picked because he would still feel lonely in it. He had to admit he was confused by the sleeping arrangements, he'd taken it for granted that they would be sharing a bed. Well they had done so very recently, the night Robert had found him cutting, the night he'd been in such emotional need. This he supposed was different. They had only just got back together... well actually they hadn't, not officially anyway. In fact, they hadn't even discussed getting back together and they couldn't be back together without discussing it first... could they? What they were doing was working towards getting back together, taking things slowly and that meant not jumping into bed together the first chance they got.

He stared out through the bedroom's huge window, across the sea and over at the horizon, he really could see for miles. He wished he could see the future, their future just as clearly. Hearing Robert he turned around.

"Well which one you going for?" Robert asked on entering the bedroom.

"This one."

Setting Aaron's holdall down on the bed Robert said "I think I got everything you asked for." He'd snuck up to Aaron's room whilst Chas was busy in the bar, had quickly gathered the things Aaron needed for their few days away.

"Thanks."

"I'll go unpack then I'll make us something to eat. A sandwich do you?"

"I'll do it."

"No you wont, you've just come out of hospital remember."

How could he forget! But he wasn't helpless, "Yeah but that doesn't mean I need waiting on hand and foot. "

"The doctor said you were to take it easy."

"I don't think buttering a couple of slices of bread is going to set me back any, do you?"

"No but..." He was fussing over Aaron too much wasn't he? He couldn't help it, he'd been so ill, you didn't forget something like that in a hurry, "Ok you see to lunch, ham and cheese for me please."

Aaron was regretting being so off with Robert, he knew he meant well and above all else his overt fussing showed how much he cared. He could be so ungrateful at times, and now was one of those times. Reaching out to catch hold of Robert's hand Aaron said, "I'm sorry, I just hate being... " Aaron struggled to find the right word "... mollycoddled."

"Mollycoddled!" Robert smiled in amusement, he wasn't that bad... or was he? "Ok I'll back off." Deciding to seal the deal with a quick kiss he leant in and gently caressed Aaron's mouth with his own. He hadn't bargained on Aaron kissing him back, so when he did he quickly pulled away saying "I'd best get on with that unpacking."

Aaron stared after Robert asking himself what had just happened? As soon as he'd responded to Robert's kiss he'd ended it. He suddenly felt uneasy, was Robert scared of where it might lead? Didn't Robert want him? He couldn't get enough of him before, he couldn't keep his hands off him, he'd always wanted sex, any time anywhere! Now it seemed he was going out of his way to avoid it. Separate beds and now this. Why?

Aaron sank down on to the bed, he'd suddenly had an idea as to why and it had mortified him. This didn't have anything to do with his father did it, with what he'd done to him? He'd read about couples whose relationships had suffered because one of them had been the victim of some kind of sexual assault. Did Robert look at him differently now? Was he put off by the thought of what had gone on? If so why was he here? Why was he still with him? It wasn't out of pity was it? No of course it wasn't, Aaron reasoned, he knew better than that. Robert was here because he cared about him... still that didn't mean he wanted to get intimate with him again. He shook his head, he was doing it again wasn't he? Brooding on and overthinking a matter he wasn't sure even existed. Telling himself to get a grip he got to his feet and made his way downstairs to the kitchen, he would unpack later.

/

Robert watched Aaron pass by his bedroom door, he wanted to go after him, pull him close ... and snog his face off. Yep, that's exactly what he wanted to do. But that wouldn't be enough for him, it never was and he wasn't sure where Aaron was emotionally in regards to sex. Sensitivity had never been his strong point but he was desperately trying to be sensitive to Aaron's feelings and needs right now. He wasn't doing a very good job of it was he? Maybe he should talk to Aaron about it but then he didn't want it to look like he wanted sex, that too could pressurize him into something he wasn't ready for. He was just going to have to play it by ear... this was too important a thing to get wrong.

tbc


	15. Chapter 15

Secrets Lies and Retribution

15

They'd had their lunch and were in the middle of washing up when Robert's phone had rung. He checked the caller's name before answering, he wasn't taking calls from anyone whilst he was here, Diane being the one exception. On seeing it was her, Robert accepted the call.

Aaron had to admit to being a little envious of Robert's relationship with his stepmother. Despite his time away they had remained close, and their relationship seemed mercifully free of the drama and fireworks that his and Chas' contained. Or so he'd thought, he'd just seen Robert bristle, his whole demeanour had changed, so too his tone of voice, he was definitely annoyed about something. Still he'd remained respectful, had kept a civil tongue in his head. Aaron had never been able to do that with his mother. They'd had some terrible rows, some real humdingers, he'd called her all the names under the sun, had hurled endless spite in her direction, had left her in no doubt how much he had hated her at the time. He'd stopped hating her at some point, had forgiven her for all the wrongs he thought she'd done him. He knew she loved him, she just had a funny way of showing it at times. If only she didn't let her heart rule her head where men were concerned, her relationships always ended in upset, she always ended up getting hurt, Why couldn't she see that his dad was no better than Carl or Cameron?

Aaron had slowly zoned out whilst Robert had been on the phone, he'd become lost in his own thoughts. He was back in the room now though and could tell Robert's conversation with Diane was coming to an end, when Robert set his phone down onto the table he asked, "Is everything ok?" He knew it wasn't.

"Yeah fine." Robert said, he'd decided not to tell Aaron his news, not yet anyway, it would be yet another blow to him. But he was quickly realising he couldn't keep it from him, and that he would only resent him for doing so when he did find out "Actually no, it's not."

"Diane's ok isn't she?"

"Apart from needing her head looking at she's fine. She's talking about selling her share of the pub to your dad."

"What?" He'd heard wrong hadn't he? He had to have done. His mother wouldn't agree to that knowing how he felt about his dad."

"It's not going to happen. I won't let it."

"Like you can stop it happening! He's wheedled his way back in, he's got his feet under the table, and I bet he's back in her bed too. It's a done deal Robert."

"Aaron you need to talk to your mum, you have to tell her what your dad..."

"It won't do any good! She's all loved up like she was with Carl and that murdering bastard Cameron. She couldn't see them for what they were even though the truth was staring her in the face. She put them before her own family, I know she's not going to believe me over him."

"Paddy thinks she will."

"Yeah well he's always looked at her through rose-tinted glasses!"

"You have to do something, you can't let him alienate you from your family, you can't let him win."

"I'm not going to!" He knew what he had to do he just wasn't sure how to go about it as yet."

"So what are you going to do?" Robert couldn't see Aaron ever going to the police about the abuse, not in the state of mind he was in now, and that was the only way Gordon Livesy would be held to account. As far as Robert was concerned prison was too good for the bastard, he'd still be breathing, and worse still he'd walk out a free man at some point. For Robert the solution to the problem was just a tap of the phone away, it would be money well spent. The only thing that had stopped him from arranging the hit so far was Aaron, he wasn't sure how it would impact on him.

Aaron looked out through the window, at the rain laden sky, he couldn't tell Robert what he had festering away in the back of his mind, but he had to tell him something, "Something he's not going to see coming, not until it's too late!"

"What do you mean by that?" Robert asked more than a little concerned by the iciness in Aaron's tone.

"Nothing." Aaron said realising he'd made Robert overly suspicious.

"Aaron? Tell me what you meant."

"I didn't mean anything, I was just talking out the top of my head. Come on, let's go into town, have a look around."

"What now?" Robert was thrown by the idea, but quickly realised that it was just what Aaron intended, "No we need to talk, this latest crap with your dad's got to you and..."

"Yeah it has but I didn't come here to talk about him." Picking up Robert's car key from the kitchen counter Aaron said "Come on, I'll drive."

"I don't think so." Robert said snatching the key out of Aaron's hand, "I will." They hadn't planned on going anywhere today but maybe it was a good idea to seek out some sort of distraction.

/

After leaving the car in the Pay and Display, they had taken a walk around the harbour. It had stopped raining but the wind remained cold and blustery, it was whipping up the sea causing the boats moored there to bob about energetically. A name adorning one of the smaller crafts caught Aaron's eye, 'Robs Buoy' he'd pointed it out to Robert, and was taken aback by his comment of "That would be you!" It had left him flustered and seeing that Robert had grinned at him.

They'd had a walk around the shops next, the streets cobbled and narrow. They'd come across a retro-styled sweet shop and Robert had headed inside, picking out some of his favourite 'teeth rotter's as he'd called them. Aaron didn't know that Robert had a sweet tooth, but then he supposed there was a lot of things he didn't know about him. Time and more importantly time spent together would put that right. Considering where they were he was enjoying their time together now, and that was the answer wasn't it? He had to make new memories, happier memories, he had to let all the negativity he associated with the place go.

It was dark, the shops closing and they were wondering what to do next. Robert suggesting they check out the 'Dracula Experience', Aaron's response to that a firm "No!"

"You're not scared are you?" Robert teased.

"No," and he wasn't likely to be either, he knew the so called 'experience' was just ten minutes of harmless fun.

"I'll hold your hand." Robert ramped up the teasing.

"Definitely not then." Aaron grinned, although he was liking the idea of some physical contact.

/

They'd decided to head back to the cottage, have something to eat and spend the evening in front of the TV. And that's exactly what they'd done. They were now lazing on one of the leather sofa's, soaking up the warmth of a log burning stove. Robert wasn't surprised to find that Aaron had fallen asleep. He knew he'd done too much today, it was his first day out of hospital and he'd trekked all round Whitby. Shaking him gently Robert said, "Aaron come on, time for bed."

Aaron's eyes flickered open, "Yeah" Bed sounded like a good idea.

Robert had followed Aaron up the stairs, telling himself he could do with an early night too. He'd not slept at all well this week, he'd spent most of the hours of darkness worrying over Aaron.

Their rooms were just feet apart and they stood between the two doorways simply gazing at each other, neither one of them knowing what to say or do.

It suddenly all got too much for Aaron, "Robert?" Couldn't he see how much he wanted him right now?

Robert pulled Aaron to him, capturing his lips, deepening the kiss before forcing him backwards into the nearest bedroom and over to the bed, taking him down... to urgently ... expertly... strip him of his clothes...

tbc


	16. Chapter 16

Secrets Lies and Retribution

16

With Robert showing no signs of waking, Aaron had slipped out of bed and made his way downstairs. He planned on making them breakfast... eggs, bacon, sausages... the works! Robert liked to call the full English 'a heart attack on a plate' but despite that Aaron knew he enjoyed it every once in a while, and was sure he would this morning. Hopefully the smell of the bacon cooking would drift upstairs and rouse him.

Robert had bought all the essentials before picking him up from the hospital. The fridge and cupboards were well stocked, overstocked probably considering they were only there for a couple of days.

As Aaron set to work preparing their meal he heard his phone bleep. He hadn't realised he'd left it downstairs, looking around for it he spotted it on the arm of the sofa. He guessed the text was from Paddy, that the worry-fest was checking up on him. He knew for certain it wasn't from his mother, he'd blocked her yesterday. He told himself not to think about her, that he wasn't going to let anything spoil his good mood. He was happy, content and he hadn't felt either of those things in a long time. It was all down to Robert. Just thinking about him had put a smile on his face. Remembering what they'd shared last night had made that smile still bigger. There were all kinds of love, and so many ways to show that emotion. Robert had made love to him last night, had gently, tenderly brought his senses alive, sent them soaring... 'ok that's enough of that' Aaron told himself, he was getting painfully hard just thinking about it!

With the sausages and bacon under the grill and everything else set to go he decided to check his phone. The text he'd just received was from an unnamed number, one he didn't recognise, curious now he quickly opened the message..

'Your mother is worried sick about you, she deserves better from you Aaron. It's time to stop this childish sulking and man up. Get yourself home so we can talk, so we can sort things out, so we can get back to being a family again, just like we used to be. Dad.'

It was only a text, some words strung into a sentence, but it had made him feel ill inside. He was miles away from his father, but it felt like he was here in the room with him, invading his private space, reminding him of things he was trying so desperately to forget.

/

"Aaron?" Robert had woke up in an empty bed, he didn't like that feeling, although it was something he'd experienced a lot lately. So where was Aaron, the bathroom maybe? He was going to have to go look for him, drag him back to bed and... that there was a good idea! They could spend the whole day in bed if they wanted, they had nothing calling them, there was no danger of them being disturbed.

Sniffing the air he realised Aaron was in the kitchen, well some breakfast wouldn't go amiss, it would help fuel the fire that was now burning in his loins. Getting out of bed he stepped over to the window, taking in the view. The sky was almost as grey as the sea below it. He would have preferred to see blue skies and an equally as blue ocean but you couldn't have everything... actually you could. He did... now that he had Aaron back in his life. He sniffed the air again but this time it wasn't smelling anywhere near as appetizing as before. Something was burning! Robert grinned to himself, he was looking forward to teasing Aaron over his culinary skills.

As he stepped off the last stair his humour deserted him. Aaron was standing phone in hand, eyes locked on its screen, seemingly oblivious to what was going on behind him. Smoke was billowing from the oven... and to add to the drama the smoke alarm had just burst in to life.

"Aaron for god's sake! Are you trying to burn the place down!" He hurried over to the kitchen area, turning off the oven, pulling out the grill pan and tossing the blackened debris it contained into the sink. After silencing the shrill alarm he threw open a window, letting the smoke out and some much needed fresh air in!

"Sorry." Aaron was only now coming out of his troubled daze.

"How could you not notice, how could you not smell it?" He'd smelt the burning upstairs.

"I don't know, I'm sorry." He'd only taken his eyes off things for a minute.

Robert knew he'd overreacted. The smoke and smell would clear and hot water and a scouring pad would make short work of the mess. And he wasn't angry it was just that he couldn't understand such a lapse in concentration. But then maybe there was a good reason for it. Remembering Aaron had been looking at his phone when all this had been going on around him, Robert stepped over to him and prised it out of Aaron's hand. After reading the message he met Aaron's troubled gaze. "Delete the message and block him, like you did your mum."

"I will."

Gripping Aaron's forearms gently Robert said "You can't let him get to you like this..." He hated seeing Aaron retreat into yourself "... this is why you need to speak to someone about what he did."

"I'm seeing a counsellor on Wednesday, you know I am." He'd already had the 'meet and greet' when in hospital, Ben from the Mental Health Team had called in and introduced himself, then he'd handed him a letter which contained the date of his first session. It was all arranged.

"Yeah but you're not planning on telling him about you being raped are you? You're not going to open up to him about that."

"I don't need to." He just couldn't do it, he couldn't tell a stranger something like that, not if he couldn't tell the people he loved.

"Yes you do! Telling me might have helped in some small way but that's not nearly enough. You need professional help, someone who knows how best to help you and you do need help to get past this Aaron."

"Ok."

"You'll tell him?" Robert was expecting Aaron to put up more of a fight.

"Yeah." He wouldn't he just wanted Robert to get of his case,

Robert wasn't convinced, "Promise me you will?"

"I promise." It wouldn't be the first promise he'd broken.

Feeling a wave of relief flow through him Robert said, "You go back to bed and I'll bring us some tea up."

/

Aaron flopped down on to the bed, he felt drained, and his good mood had evaporated. He'd fallen off cloud nine and landed with one almighty bang. The text message had unnerved him and he'd realised his mum must have given his dad his number, that felt like another betrayal. Maybe he was being too sensitive but he couldn't help it. It was just another unwelcome reminder that his father was out there and would always be out there unless he did something about it... unless he did something to end his existence. But did he have the guts, the balls to do something like that? He was sure he could if he let the bad memories loose, if he let them take control, he'd have no problem ending the bastards life then. He'd imagined it happening in his head a few times, it had been so easy to pull the trigger...

There was just one problem, one thing getting in his way... he didn't have a gun! Just how did he get his hands on one of them?

Aaron was certain his uncle could pull one out of thin air. But there was no way he'd get one for him, no matter what lies he told him. Even if he were to tell Cain the truth, he'd only take matters into his own hands. It would be Cain that had the satisfaction of putting a bullet in Gordon Livesy's brain. It wouldn't end there though would it? Cain would be in deep shit if it ever came to light that he was the one who pulled the trigger. No he couldn't let Cain get wind of this. So who else had that kind of know-how?

Ross? Yeah he was well in with that element of the population, and he wouldn't ask any questions either. As long as he had the money upfront Ross would supply what was needed!

That was it, problem solved!

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

Secrets Lies and Retribution

17

"What do you want a gun for?" It wasn't everyday you were asked to get someone a gun and Ross Barton was more than intrigued by Aaron's request. He knew Aaron was no angel but still... a gun? It didn't add up.

Aaron had told himself he'd been stupid to think that question wouldn't crop up, and he'd had an answer ready on his lips just in case, "The less you know the better don't you think?"

Ross held Aaron's unwavering gaze trying to suss him out, but he was giving nothing away. He was usually up for anything that would make him some cash no matter how dodgy but this, he wasn't so sure about. Aaron was Debbie's cousin, she'd string him up by his short and curly's if she got wind of this. It would be something else for her to hold against him. But then Debbie wasn't here was she and according to Cain she wasn't coming back... and as Cain had only just given him his job back he was in dire need of some extra dosh. "Ok, but it's going to cost you."

"Obviously." A pretty penny no doubt but Aaron knew it would be worth it.

"I'll be in touch." Ross waited until Aaron was on his way before picking up his phone and dialling a number from memory.

Aaron stepped off the garage's forecourt and made his way back up to Victoria's, he'd left his wallet there and he needed it to buy him and Robert some dinner. He was staying with Robert for the time being, at least until Vic and Adam got back from Spain. They were visiting Robert's grandmother for a week or so. Adam had needed to get away from the Jonny fiasco and they'd left yesterday, the very day he and Robert had returned from Whitby. It meant they had the house to themselves, Robert had looked at it as a continuation of their mini holiday, and he'd been none too pleased when Aaron had told him he'd have to go back to work, that the scrapyard wouldn't run itself. Adam had taken the strain whilst he'd been missing in action now it was his turn, they couldn't afford to let things slide. Robert had reminded him of the doctor's advice to rest, and when he'd realised he couldn't talk him out of it had taken him aback by saying that he would help out. And that's exactly what Robert was doing, in fact he was up at the scrapyard now, knee deep in mud and metal!

Aaron had unashamedly taken advantage of his enthusiasm, had left him working up a sweat while he'd come back to the village, because he hadn't just come for his wallet, he'd come to see Ross.

It hadn't been easy coming back to Emmerdale, he'd swore he wouldn't but Robert had gone all out to persuade him, that and knowing he now had a solution to his problem had helped change his mind. He knew he would see both his mum and dad at some point but he was just going to have to tough it out, especially where his dad was concerned.

After stopping at the café for some ham and cheese rolls, Aaron had made his way to Paddy's. The sooner he showed his face the better now he was back.

Pearl had greeted him with "Hello stranger' and had given him a lecture on his thoughtlessness where Paddy was concerned. He knew everything she said was true, he did need to make more effort, call in to see him more often, organise a lads night out maybe. He'd liked that idea, they hadn't done anything like that in ages.

He'd found Paddy in the treatment room, stocking up his veterinary bag ready for his afternoon visits.

"You're looking a lot better." Aaron had some colour in his cheeks and didn't look so gaunt, it was good to see.

"It's all that sea air."

"Yeah that and the antibiotics. Aaron it can't happen again..."

"It's not going to." He'd heard all this from Robert, he didn't need to hear it again.

"When you seeing the counsellor?"

"Wednesday." He was dreading it but he had every intention of going.

"Good. Have you seen your mum yet?" Paddy hadn't given up on the idea of getting mother and son together, he'd happily lock them in a room and leave them there until Aaron had opened his mother's eyes to the truth.

"Paddy I came to see you not talk about her so if you're going to nag me about her I'm off."

"I'm not..." Not any more he wasn't, he quickly moved the conversation on to something else, "I've started clearing the far room out."

"I told you I don't need it." Robert had suggested they rent a place together, somewhere away from Emmerdale. He'd liked that idea. It wasn't like they'd just met was it, and it seemed the right thing to do, and anyway neither of them could stay at Victoria's forever.

"I don't mean for you but obviously if you needed it then it's yours. The thing is we've reached the next stage in the adoption process, the adoption panel.

"That's great news." He was happy for Paddy of course he was but he couldn't forget the fact he was having affair, he'd kicked up enough fuss about it. "Paddy..."

"I know what you're going to say but you can stop worrying on that front. It's over, I ended things with Tess. You were right..."

"That'd be a first!" Aaron grinned, he was so relieved to hear Paddy had seen sense, but he'd gone too far in his protests hadn't he? "Paddy I said some awful things, and what I said to that social worker..."

"You thought you were doing the right thing at the time." He'd been shocked by Aaron's betrayal but had to believe he had his reasons.

"No" It hadn't been like that, not really. He wanted Paddy to understand why he'd done it, he owed him that much. He'd been in a bad place, it felt like his world was falling apart. Then, when he'd realised his rock, his moral compass, his hero had feet of clay just like every other man he'd panicked. He'd idolised his dad in the exact same way... and his illusions had been shattered in the worst possible way. For a little while he hadn't been able to separate the two, Paddy was suddenly the enemy, he couldn't be trusted, he was capable of anything... and he had to stop him!

"Aaron?"

"It wasn't about you Paddy, it was about my dad, about what he did to me."

"Ok." He'd already worked that out but something told Paddy he was missing a vital point here. "Aaron..."

"Look I've got to go." He knew he'd made Paddy suspicious, and he was like a dog with a bone once he picked up on something. He had to get out of there before he started pushing him on it. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. See you then." Paddy told himself it was best to let Aaron go. He didn't want to put any undue pressure on him. But he would definitely have a word with Robert, if Aaron was holding something back from him, he was certain Robert would know all about it.

/

Robert had to admit he was enjoying working at the scrapyard, he didn't mind getting his hands dirty, he didn't mind hard graft and he certainly didn't mind working alongside Aaron. The last few days had flown by, it was Wednesday already, they were already halfway through the working week and he could actually see the profits rolling in.

He was in the office at movement, catching up on some paperwork, and finding the pen pushing much more of a chore than car breaking. He wasn't finding it so easy to concentrate today, not knowing Aaron was having his first session with his counsellor. He kept telling himself that no matter how difficult these sessions were for Aaron that they were helping him, that he was finally getting the help he needed.

Hearing a car pull up he put the documents he'd been working on into a drawer. He was expecting a customer to walk through the door but it was Paddy. Once again he felt uneasy on seeing him, he knew the older man was watching him like a hawk, waiting for him to screw up. He didn't want to give him any reason to doubt him where Aaron was concerned.

"Hi, Aaron's not here."

"I know, that's why I'm here."

So Paddy had come to see him, what had he done wrong now? "I take it you're not here about a car part?"

"No, I'm here because there's something Aaron's not telling me, something I'm pretty sure you know all about." Robert had just averted his gaze, the very fact he couldn't look him in the eye told Paddy he was right about this. "I can't help him unless I know what's going on. Help me to help him, please."

Robert felt cornered, but how could he betray Aaron's trust in him? "I can't, I gave him my word."

"And I'd expect you to keep your word any other time but this is different isn't it? I've thought of nothing else these last few days..." He'd barely slept, he'd just kept asking himself what it could be that was haunting Aaron and had kept coming up with the same answer... " I keep telling myself I'm wrong and God knows I want to be but... it would be the last piece of the puzzle, it would finally all make sense. There's only one thing that causes more emotional harm than physical abuse, and that's sexual abuse! That's what this is really all about isn't it?"

How could he deny it? How could he pretend something that horrific hadn't happened to the man he loved? "Yeah."

/

Robert stared unseeingly into his mug of coffee, his thoughts on Aaron, on how he would react to the latest development. He'd understand wouldn't he? He'd realise he'd had no option but to answer Paddy truthfully?

The office door opened and on seeing Aaron, Robert rose to his feet.

"Before you ask..." Aaron said as he set his phone down on top of the filing cabinet "We didn't talk about my dad, I've got to work my way up to doing that."

"Ok."

"I need a drink...talking's thirsty work." Switching on the kettle Aaron asked, "Do you want one?"

"No. Aaron... Paddy was here." Stepping around the desk Robert moved over to where Aaron was now pouring milk into a mug.

"He'll be wanting to know how the session went, I'll phone him after."

"Aaron he knows, he knows everything."

"What do you mean he knows?" Aaron couldn't make sense of what Robert was saying, but then realisation hit him with a sickening jolt, "You told him!"

"He'd already worked it out for himself." Robert said reaching out for Aaron as he did so.

Aaron shrugged off Robert's hands, he didn't want him touching him, not now, not ever again, "You bastard! I trusted you!"

Robert told himself he had to cut through the anger, he had to cut through the hurt, he had to reach Aaron, he had to explain himself, "Listen to me..."

The blind rage had come out of nowhere, and like always it robbed him of all reason, and once again it had him hit out at the cause of his pain. His hand curled into a fist and sent Robert crashing to the floor.

The force of the blow had left Robert dazed, it was a good few seconds before he could clamber to his feet, the room had swam around him and he'd had to steady himself before stumbling out through the door.

"AARON!" Robert was desperate to stop Aaron's panic fuelled flight but he was already getting into a car, his car. Robert could only watch as he sped off at breakneck speed, the car's tyres squealing in protest.

tbc


	18. Chapter 18

Secrets Lies and Retribution

18

Robert pulled his phone out of his pocket and with a touch of a button speed dialled Aaron. From behind him came a ring tone, Aaron's ring tone. "For fucks sake!" Robert fumed, Aaron had left his phone here, how the hell did he get hold of him now?

Scrolling down his contacts he next tapped on Paddy's number, agitatedly pacing back and forth until his call was answered, "Paddy he's taken off, he took my car..."

With Paddy now on the way to pick him up, Robert ran back inside the porter cabin. He snatched up Aaron's phone, locked the office door, all the time berating himself for messing things up, for letting Aaron down, for hurting him again. Aaron hated him now, he wouldn't forgive him for this would he? He wouldn't give him another chance.

Robert felt some relief on seeing Paddy's car sweep into the yard. As he slipped in beside Paddy he asked, "Where would he have gone?"

"I don't..." Paddy paused on seeing the mark of violence on Robert's face, "Aaron?"

Robert fingered the sore swollen skin round his mouth, "He didn't know what he was doing?"

"I know, Ive been there."

"I'm sorry, I handled it badly,"

"No. Aaron handled it badly and he'll realise that when he calms down,"

"The way he was driving he's going to end up in a ditch or worse." Robert was so scared for him.

"He's a good driver, common sense will kick in and... he'll be fine." Paddy said trying to reassure himself as much as Robert.

"Yeah," If he kept telling himself that he might just start to believe it.

/

Aaron stared down at the knuckles of his right hand, they were bruised and swollen, much like Robert's face had to be now. Wiping away a stray tear he shook his head, why was he crying? Why was he shedding tears over that tosser, he hated him, knew he'd been a fool to trust him again. He'd trusted him with a secret that had the power to upturn so many lives, and he'd specifically told him he didn't want Paddy knowing. Well he knew now and all because of Robert, because he couldn't do the one thing he'd asked of him.

How was he going to look Paddy in the eye now, he felt so ashamed, so very dirty, like no amount of soap or flesh scrubbing would ever make him clean. Aaron knew the disclosure would eat away at Paddy, that it would keep him awake at night, it was a burden he shouldn't have to carry but would now until he took his last breath.

So what did he do now? Where did he go? He was going to have to start thinking about those things. He needed to get his act together and quick. He had something he needed to do.

/

They'd driven around for a couple of hours, hoping to spot Robert's car, but just as they'd expected there was no sign of it or of its driver. Neither of them knew where else to look for Aaron, they didn't think he'd head back to the village, not yet anyway, he'd need to cool off some before even thinking about doing that. Adam was out of the country so he wouldn't turn to him for solace and there was no way he'd turn to Cain not under the circumstances. He did have other friends, not many but a few old school friends he kept in touch with. Knowing Robert had Aaron's phone in his possession Paddy said, "Try calling his friends, ask them to let us know if he turns up at theirs." Paddy knew it was a long shot, that Aaron would just slope off somewhere to lick his wounds, and stay in the shadows until he'd worked out his next move.

Robert hurriedly worked his way through Aaron's contacts; there were a handful of numbers he guessed were Aaron's friends and he'd either spoken to them in person or left a voice message. He was surprised to see the name 'Ross' on the list. It had to be Ross Barton didn't it? It wasn't the most common of names around here.

"What?" Paddy asked seeing that Robert's attention was now fixed on one particular number.

"Since when have Aaron and Ross been on texting terms?"

"They're not as far as I know." Ross was bad news and Paddy had warned Aaron about getting involved with him and his dealings again.

On a whim Robert deciding to check Aaron's messages, the very last one he'd received was from Ross, it had been both sent and opened that morning.

"Robert?"

Robert read Ross' message out loud, "Come see me... Why would Ross want to see Aaron?" Robert asked Paddy, they weren't friends they didn't mix socially, for some reason the text had set an alarm bell ringing in his head.

"To involve him in some more dodgy dealings no doubt, but he wouldn't do anything that stupid again."

Robert had no idea what Paddy was referring to but still it served to worry him some more, and so did the reply Aaron had sent to Ross... 'On my way'

"He's not going to be there now though is he?" Paddy reasoned, he didn't think Ross could help them with Aaron's whereabouts.

"I think we should speak to him." Robert knew they had to follow up on the texts.

Paddy turned the car around even though he was certain it would be a wasted journey.

/

Cain had asked... no told... no ordered him to work late, to start clearing the backlog of work they had acquired since Debbie had left. He hadn't wanted to but it was hard to say no to Cain, so here he was bent over yet another engine, trying to show it who was boss.

It was dark outside, bitterly cold too and he'd shut the doors hoping to keep what little warmth he had in. He'd been expecting Cain to come check on him at some point, and so on hearing the door open expected to see him walk in. But first Robert and then Paddy stepped into the room. He instantly felt uneasy, the only thing these two men had in common was Aaron Livesy, so if they were here together, they had to be here about him? "What can I do you for?" He asked, hoping to sound unfazed by their presence.

Robert loathed Ross Barton, he'd shot him in cold blood so how else was he supposed to feel about him? He knew he was a hard man or liked to think he was but he'd happily beat what information he needed out of him, hopefully it wouldn't come to that, not with Paddy on the scene. "I'm looking for Aaron."

"Why? Have you lost him?"

Ross was known for his smart mouth and Robert told himself to ignore it, "Have you seen him today."

"He doesn't work here any more, you two should know that"

"So you haven't seen him?" Paddy asked, he knew this would be a waste of time.

"No, not in a while."

Holding Aaron's phone out for Ross to see Robert repeated the messages "Come see me... On my way"

"I forgot all about that."

"What's this about" Robert demanded getting in Ross' face "Tell me or I'm going to suddenly remember who shot me!"

"What?" Paddy's ears had pricked up on hearing that comment, just what the hell was going on here?

"I was just doing him a favour, nothing to get your knickers in a twist about!" Ross wasn't about to spill the beans unless he had to.

Robert started dialling a number on his phone.

"What you doing?" Ross asked, his anxiety level had just gone up a notch.

"Yeah, I'd like to speak to Detective..."

"Ok! I'll tell you." Suddenly, saving his own skin was all that mattered to Ross.

"Well?" Robert said as he end his call.

"He asked me to get him a hand gun."

"A gun!" Paddy spluttered in disbelief.

Robert was equally as shocked as Paddy, "What the hell for?"

Ross shrugged, he really had no idea.

"You said no, right?"

"Not exactly."

"You forget what he said, ok." Robert was putting an end to whatever was going on now.

"It's a bit too late for that now... he picked it up this morning!"

/

Aaron turned the gun over and over in his hands. He'd held a similar looking gun before. He'd held that gun knowing it was the one used to shoot Robert. At the time he'd thought his mum had pulled the trigger, so he'd hid it, disposed of it. At least he'd tried to, he'd been caught on camera doing so. He couldn't be so careless this time, when it had served its purpose he planned on tossing it in to the quarry, it would sink into its murky depths, it would never be found there... and neither would a body!

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

Secrets Lies and Retribution

19

Robert had led the way back to Victoria's, with Paddy seated on the sofa, Robert had made them both a coffee. He'd looked for something stronger, had hoped to find a bottle of whisky stashed somewhere, but apart from a couple of cans of lager stored in the fridge, there was no alcoholic to be found. They were both in need of some fortification, something to help steady their frayed nerves. Both men had been gripped by a terrible sense of dread, having quickly come to the same conclusion as to why Aaron would want a gun.

"Do you think he hates his dad enough to actually be able to kill him?" Robert didn't think Aaron had it in him, at least he didn't want to believe he did.

"I think..." Paddy said tapping his forehead " this is telling him he can, that it's something he has to do. But if the time came, if he had the opportunity I don't think he could. But then he wouldn't be the first victim of abuse to mete out his own form of justice. It's understandable isn't it. I've read about such things and I've always sympathised. How can you not. I'd like a few minutes alone with Gordon myself, I wouldn't need a gun ... the way I feel I could kill him with my bare hands, but I know that wouldn't help Aaron."

Robert had to agree. He'd seriously thought about having the bastard killed, but he was realising how wrong a step that would have been. It wasn't the way to deal with this. Two wrongs didn't make a right. They had to be seen to deal with this the right way, there had to be a justifiable form of closure or the repercussions would just go on and on.

"If he was to kill him... " Paddy baulked at the very thought,".. he might get some sort of satisfaction out of doing so, but I know it would be fleeting. He'd wake up to what he'd done and he wouldn't be able to live with himself... we'd lose him that day."

Paddy's grim prediction drove Robert to his feet, "Where the hell is he Paddy? We should be out there looking for him."

"Where exactly? We've looked just about everywhere."

"We have to do something."

"Like what? Warn Gordon? Report Aaron to the police?"

"No!"

"I say we sit tight. We know where Gordon is don't we? Over the road with Chas, he's stayed over nearly every night this week, he's more or less moved in now that Aaron's moved out. Aaron's not going to do anything while Gordon's there."

"But we don't know what's going through Aaron's head right now. He's all alone out there, he's feeling betrayed..."

"None of this is your fault Robert!"

"I should have picked up on what he was thinking? On what he was planning on doing? I've spent nearly every minute of the day with him since..."

"He's good at hiding things, at keeping secrets, he's kept the abuse he suffered secret for sixteen years."

"I thought he'd let me in, I thought me and him..." Shaking his head in defeat Robert said "I've already lost him Paddy."

"No. He's just lost his way, he has before and he's always come good. We're going to have to start believing he will this time too."

/

Aaron wasn't sure just how long he'd been sitting there, all he knew was that he was hungry, thirsty and tired. He'd kept the car window open knowing the cold air would help keep him awake. It was almost midnight and there was still no sign of bis dad. It didn't look like he was coming home tonight, so he'd been right about his mum welcoming him back into her bed.

So what should he do now? Park the car in some lay-by and catch up on some sleep or go back to the scrapyard and spend the night in the office. But what if Robert was to come in early and find him there? What then? He'd tried to stay angry at Robert but he hadn't been able to, his ire had slowly waned and he'd started to think on what he'd done. He hadn't given Robert chance to explain, he'd heard something he hadn't liked, seen red and boom! He kept going over what Robert had managed to say to him about Paddy, 'He'd already worked it out for himself.' Of course Paddy had worked it out for himself, he'd never been able to keep anything from him, not for long. Paddy always got the truth out of him... one way or another. Robert hadn't betrayed him... but look how quick he was to believe he had. There had to be trust in a relationship for it to work, maybe too much had happened between them in the past, maybe the trust he needed to have in Robert was beyond repair? But how could he love him if that was true and he did love him, and he was missing him badly right now. Was Robert missing him? Had he... could he forgive him for punching him like that? He had to be wondering where he was? Where his car was at least. Robert had probably told himself that he would be back just as soon as he'd calmed down, as soon as he'd seen sense, and he would have been to if he hadn't been drawn here, if he didn't have this all consuming need to hit back at his dad, to hurt him... to make him pay for what he'd done to him.

Stifling another yawn, Aaron eyed his dad's house thoughtfully, he used to call it home, he hadn't for a long time now. He'd moved in with Paddy and the Smithy had soon become his home, and Paddy his dad. Gordon had faded into insignificance. He'd truly believed he'd seen the back of him. Why did he have to show his smug face again? It would never have come to this if he'd just kept away.

Aaron shivered suddenly cold, once again his gaze settled on his dad's house. He knew it would be a lot warmer in there than it was out here in the car. He could maybe break in and help himself to some food. In fact he could hole up in there couldn't he? Then when his dad did come back and he would have to at some point, he'd be sitting there waiting for him.

/

Robert had made them both another coffee, but the caffeine wasn't doing its job.

"Why don't you go home Paddy, get some sleep." The older man looked done in, Robert was starting to worry about him.

"Sleep? Like I'm going to be able to. But I should go speak to Rhona,"

"What have you told her?"

"The bare minimum, she's used to me taking time out for Aaron, she understands, she knows what he means to me."

Robert walked Paddy to the door, promising to get in touch should he have any news of Aaron. As Paddy stepped out into the night Robert's gaze was drawn to the Woolpack. Gordon's car had been parked there earlier... but it wasn't there now, "Paddy. Gordon must have gone home!"

TBC


	20. Chapter 20

Secrets Lies and Retribution

20

Aaron hadn't needed to break into the property, he'd remembered that his dad used to keep a spare back door key under a garden ornament, and on looking found he still did. He'd let himself in, wishing he had his phone on him, he could use its light to find his way around. He was a little wary of putting a house light on, a neighbour could be keeping an eye on the place, and he didn't want them to think it was being burgled.

A street lamp shone some light into the hallway and he was able to see his way over to the under-stairs cupboard. He'd kept a lot of his stuff in there, things like his football boots, skateboard. His dad had used it to store things like drain cleaner, tins of paint and something he could do with getting his hands on right now, a torch. He'd had to feel around for it but eventually he'd found what he was looking for.

The house had looked much the same from the outside, but the inside was a different story, he didn't recognise the place. The wallpaper had been changed, the furniture too, and the kitchen was new, at least it was new to him. It felt so strange being back here, he felt no connection to the place, with all the changes it was almost like he'd never been here before.

Aaron eyed the stairs, not sure if he should stray any further. Then he told himself the bathroom was up there and he was in need of the loo. He'd had to pass his bedroom to get there and for a second or two he hovered outside its door. He didn't want to go in there, he was scared to go in, scared of how it would make him feel. The room held a lot of bad memories for him, that's where his dad had hurt him, punished him... raped him.

He hadn't been surprised to find the bathroom had been done out too. As he made his way back along the landing he threw open the door to what had been his sister's room, there was no trace of her ever having been there now. From what he could see in the torch light it was being used for storage. Just across the way was his dad's bedroom. Aaron decided he wasn't going to go in there, he wasn't sure why, but maybe it was because he was now being drawn to his old room. 'Go on' he told himself, 'Don't be so pathetic. You might just need a reminder of what Gordon did to you before you can pull the trigger'.

/

Paddy had thrown a wobbler, had refused to believe Aaron would be waiting for Gordon, and so had refused to drive there. But Robert had argued that Aaron was there, some second sense telling him that's exactly where Aaron was. He'd snatched the car keys out of Paddy's hand and in seconds was sitting in the driving seat. He'd been more than prepared to handle the situation alone but had felt a great measure of relief when Paddy had got in the car beside him.

Thankfully Paddy knew where to go, he'd been to Gordon's once before. Aaron had done a runner when Chas had hooked up with Carl King and Paddy had gone there looking for him. It was miles away, and would take a good hour to get there even at the speed they were traveling.

"Gordon could have been gone hours." Paddy was starting to think Robert's theory might just have something in it, and his imagination was beginning to get the better of him.

"No, the car was there an hour ago I checked." Robert knew that offered little comfort, Gordon was probably well on his way home now, they had no hope of getting there before he did.

"What if Aaron... what if he ... " Paddy just couldn't bring himself to say what he was now thinking, "What if we're too late?"

Robert ignored the question, how the hell was he supposed to answer it?

/

Aaron told himself he'd been stupid to think his father would keep his room the way he'd left it. Why would he? He'd changed just about everything else in the house so why not his room.

Gone were the posters he'd had plastered all over his walls, gone were the wardrobes... and his bed was gone too. There was nothing left of him here, and nothing tangible to remind him of what had happened there.

The room was far from empty though, it had a desk, swivel chair, computer... and just about everything else you needed to make it an office. His father must have started working from home. Aaron wasn't sure what his dad actually did for a living, he knew it involved computers but that's about all he knew. Not that it mattered, it hadn't mattered all those years ago and it certainly didn't matter to him now. The only thing that did matter right now was making the bastard regret what he'd done!

Aaron knew that time would come, he just had to be patient, he just had to wait a little longer...

He'd just heard the front door open! With his heart now racing and with bated breath he listened intently for it to close. When it did he stepped a little closer to the bedroom door. Aaron could hear each step his father took along the hall's wooden floor, knew he was walking towards the stairs. Next he heard the click of a switch, the one that illuminated the way. His dad was going to bed... well he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight.

Aaron reached for the light switch, then stepped around the desk and lowered himself down into the chair. He knew his father would see that the light was on and come in to investigate. Was he in for a surprise when he saw him sitting there.

/

They were on the outskirts of the town where Gordon lived, almost at their destination and with every minute that passed the urgency they felt to get there grew. Robert felt sick inside, he was having to fight down the panic that kept threatening to overwhelm him. But how was he expected to stay calm, to keep a clear head when there was a nightmare going on around him. Paddy was as fearful as him, the tension in the car was unbearable. If only Aaron knew what he was putting them through... no, no this wan't Aaron's fault, he was the victim in all of this. If the worst should happen, people would realise that, wouldn't they?

/

"What the hell are you doing here?" Gordon exclaimed on seeing his son.

"You sent me a text remember, you told me to get myself home so we could talk. Well here I am and I'm wanting to talk." He couldn't believe how calm he sounded, how in control.

Gordon shook his head in disbelief, the boy was off his head on something, he had to be, why else would he turn up here at gone one in the morning? "I think you need to sleep it off, go kip on the sofa, we'll talk in the morning."

"No, we're going to talk now, actually I'll be doing the talking, you the listening."

"Who do you think you're talking to?" Gordon challenged angrily as he charged towards his son. He stopped in his tracks on seeing what Aaron now held in his hands. "Aaron? What do you think you're doing?"

"Protecting myself. I could have done with this sixteen years ago... the first time you raped me. This bit of metal here would have made sure it was the first and only time!"

"You don't know what you're saying... "

"I know exactly what I'm saying. You raped me, you held me down and you..."

"No! I'm your father... "

"No. You're just some sick twisted excuse for a man."

"Aaron, first you accuse me of beating you and now this? It's not true son..."

"Every word of it's true! That's why I'm so messed up. It's all down to you."

"You need help!"

"Yeah and I'm getting it. But this isn't about me, Gordon. It's about you." Aaron got to his feet and slowly walked around the desk, as he did so his father started to back away, Aaron could see he was scared, he wasn't such a big man now was he? Leaning against the desk Aaron cocked his head over at the window and said, "My bed used to be over there, remember?"

"Of course I do."

"I used to have Superman covers."

"I remember that too."

"I used to climb into that bed feeling safe and loved."

"That's because you were."

"No! Not once mum left. Then I was just an unwanted reminder of her, a naughty little boy who had to be punished."

"That's not true."

"You always did say I was a liar, that no one would believe me if I told them what you did."

"I didn't do anything!"

"Then why come to the hospital and warn me off?"

Gordon was beginning to realise he'd made a bad move there. "To stop you spreading lies about me!"

"No! You were scared it was all going to come out. Well guess what? It has. Paddy knows what you did, and Robert. Mum's still in the dark but not for much longer."

"Chas isn't going to believe this nonsense."

"I say she will." Aaron told himself he had to believe that. "Especially after tonight, she'll know something bad had to have happened to drive me to do this."

"You're not going to use that thing." Gordon gestured at the gun in horror, he was starting to fear for his life now.

"I have to, it's the only way I'm going to get you the fuck out of my life."

"I'll leave. move away, you wont ever see me again." Gordon offered desperately.

"And get away with what you've done?"

"Aaron I never..."

"Stop lying!" Aaron's voice soared in anger "Why can't you just admit to what you did?" Aaron glanced down at the gun before locking eyes with his father once again, "The next thing that comes out of your mouth had better be the truth!"

"I'm sorry!" The words were out before Gordon could stop them, but he knew his only chance to get out of there alive was to somehow placate his son.

"So you have got something to be sorry about then?" His father was starting to crack and Aaron was enjoying seeing him squirm.

"I loved you..."

"No, that wasn't love, that was control."

"It was wrong, I know it was but..."

"But you did it all the same! You broke me inside, you shattered my trust in people. I've pushed everyone who's ever cared about me away because of you. And I'm still doing it."

"I'm sorry."

Aaron took careful aim, the gun now pointing directly at his father's chest, to where his heart should be.

"Aaron please... please son don't do this." Gordon could barely speak he was paralysed with fear.

So his father wasn't above begging. "I begged you to stop, remember? Over and over I pleaded with you but you never did... not until you'd finished what you were doing. You ignored my tears, you ignored my cries of pain and you ignored my pleas to stop, and that's just what I'm going to do now."

"I'm sorry... please..."

Aaron could see the fear in his father's eyes, beads of sweat now oozed from his every pore and he'd started trembling. Now his father had some idea of just how scared he'd been, but still it wasn't enough.

"Please... please..."

Inhaling deeply Aaron steadied the gun. Then as a tear fell from his father's eye Aaron squeezed back on the trigger, letting his finger linger there a little to savour the moment before finally letting it go...

tbc


	21. Chapter 21

Secrets Lies and Retribution

21

"There, that's the one." Paddy pointed over at the house he knew to be Gordon Livesy's.

Robert could see Gordon's car parked in the drive but there was no sign of his, or of Aaron. He felt no sense of relief, and wouldn't until he knew for sure where Aaron was, and more importantly that he hadn't already paid his father a visit.

There was a light on in one of the upstairs rooms, and both men were looking up at its window. They knew someone was moving about in there, a shadow could be seen against the blinds. That offered some small measure of reassurance or did until a second silhouette suddenly appeared. "Oh my god!" Robert uttered in horror, "That's Aaron up there!"

Robert had tried first the front door and then the back, finding that open he hurtled through the house towards the source of light. Taking the stairs two at a time he was soon on the scene. But as his mind registered what was taking place he realised he was too late, Aaron was about to fire the gun.

Robert waited for the report, for the sound of the gun being fired, but the ear-splitting thunder clap never came. The only sound a barely audible click of metal striking metal. Confused now his gaze moved to Gordon, his face was etched with terror, tears streamed from his eyes, but there was no blood to be seen, there was no wound oozing life. Then before his eyes Gordon's knees buckled beneath him, and he crumpled sobbing to the floor. Robert's confusion grew and his attention once again settled on Aaron. He let the gun slip from his grasp, reached into his jacket pocket, to then pull out its contents in his clenched hand. His fingers slowly unfolded to reveal what he was holding. Bullets! Suddenly it all made sense to Robert, the gun hadn't been loaded!

Robert met Aaron's gaze, the blue eyes brimmed with tears.

"I just wanted to scare him, give him a taste of how it felt to be me."

Robert nodded his understanding before striding over to Aaron, pulling him into his arms, holding him close as his tears fell.

/

It was proving to be another sleepless night, for Robert it was anyway. Not so for Aaron, he lay nestled in Robert's arms, lost to the world around him. He'd been exhausted, physically and emotionally, the events of the last twenty-four hours had taken their toll.

Shifting into a more comfortable position Robert let his mind wander back over those hours, back to when Aaron had made a momentous decision. After regaining his composure Aaron had quietly told him and Paddy that he was going to call the police, tell them what his father had done. Aaron had insisted on doing it there and then, he said he knew that if he didn't he wouldn't be able to summon up the courage needed ever again. Aaron had then looked down at his father and said "He's not going to deny what he did, not now." Gordon had been sitting head bowed, arms wrapped tightly around his knees... a broken man, and one accepting of his fate.

It had taken the police half an hour to arrive, in that time Paddy had taken control of the situation, he'd sent the two of them downstairs, told them to wait in the kitchen, while he sat with Gordon.

As they'd sat there Aaron had admitted to wanting to kill his dad, and to having every intention of doing so. The gun had been loaded ready to use but as he'd sat there waiting for his dad to come into the room he'd realised he couldn't do it. He had too much to lose. His dad's actions had blighted his life to date but Aaron was suddenly determined to put an end to that, and to come out of it the better man. He'd had just enough time to unload the gun.

The police had spoken to each of them in turn, and as Aaron gave a statement to one of the officers, Gordon was led from the house in handcuffs.

It had all seemed so surreal, and at times Robert thought himself trapped in a bad dream. But Aaron had been the one lost in a nightmarish world and he was now clawing his way out of it. Aaron knew there were still difficult times ahead, but there was light at the end of the tunnel now and he had set his sights on that.

It was after 8am before they'd arrived back in Emmerdale. Paddy had driven his car back, he and Aaron had travelled in his. Robert hadn't seen the car earlier, it had been parked around the corner from Gordon's. Thinking his dad might just recognise it, Aaron had made sure it was well out of sight before entering his house.

They'd parked outside the Woolpack, the three of them then making their way inside. Aaron hadn't been able to tell his mother about the abuse before, but he had no option now, he knew she had to hear the truth, every last vile nauseating detail from him.

Robert had sat with Paddy in the bar, time passing excruciatingly slowly. It was an hour or more before a tearful Aaron had walked out from the back room. After asking Paddy to sit with his mum for a bit he'd turned to him, telling him he wanted to go over the road, that he wanted to distance himself from her pain for a little while at least.

Robert had wanted Aaron to get his head down for a bit, to get some much needed sleep, but he'd refused, there was something else he needed to do. He needed to get in touch with his solicitor, he was going to need his services and he wanted to get things moving on that front. Robert had suggested Aaron use his solicitor, he was the best money could buy, but Aaron had refused, had insisted that because he had right on his side he didn't need an expensive brief.

With an appointment booked with the law firm later that day Robert had again tried to get Aaron to get some rest, but no. It seemed he was hungry, and realising they hadn't had breakfast Robert had headed into the kitchen to make them something. When Aaron insisted on doing it himself, Robert started to realise that something wasn't quite right. It was as if Aaron wanted to be continually occupied, that he was scared of sitting down and having some quiet time. Robert had quickly worked out why, Aaron was scared he'd start to rethink what he'd done, question it, and was worried where that might lead.

Taking hold of Aaron's forearms he had made him look at him, holding his troubled gaze he had told him, "You've done the right thing, now let it go." That had been enough to bolster Aaron's wavering resolve.

As he'd set about making them each an omelette Aaron had gone upstairs to take a quick shower. Half an hour later, just as they were finishing off their food Paddy had walked in through the front door. He'd come to check on Aaron before making his way home and Robert knew he had to give the two of them some time alone. He'd walked down to the shop, bought himself a paper, then headed up to the cafe where he had sat reading the headlines whilst sipping on a coffee.

Thinking he'd given the two men enough time to say what needed to be said he headed back, His timing was perfect for once, Paddy was just about to leave, but not before he'd hugged Aaron, telling him he loved him and was so very proud of him. That was something else Aaron had needed to hear.

When Paddy had gone Aaron had turned to him and said "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For not letting me push you away."

Robert had smiled at that, it hadn't been easy standing his ground, he'd lost his footing a few times, but like he'd told Aaron so very recently, he wasn't going anywhere. Aaron had smiled back only to suddenly turn all serious on him, apologising for hitting him... he'd had to silence him with a kiss! That thought brought a smile to Robert's face and an end to his reverie. Nuzzling his face closer to Aaron's he closed his eyes and drifted contentedly into the waiting darkness...

END


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